How do I feel?
The simplest yet one of the most difficult questions to answer. Often times, our minds are just too bogged down with the latest news around the globe, the biggest hoo-haa in the university, Whatsapp messages flooding your mobile phone's screen constantly, emailed to be replied within 48 hours, assignment deadlines to meet, house errands to check off, important dates to remember, and the list could go on as long as we live in this 'connected' world.
It has been a good ten months that my priorities were consciously shoved away from myself and heavily concentrated on the duties and responsibilities that I uphold. Sometimes, it goes unexpectedly beyond my job descriptions. Then again, there was no clear cut job descriptions when I signed up to begin with. The best part of all, unleashing various sides of myself that I never knew existed. Perhaps deep down, I am this adventurous dare devil who knows no consequences, where "living in the moment" is my life principle. It goes without saying that giving will always be a significant part of me, whichever form of living I end up as. Not because I wish to avoid facing my own predicaments, but because I have experienced such bitterness that I wish no one would go through the same. But that would be senseless cause then they wouldn't be able to seek the clarity and understanding that I did.
Why do we run from pain?
I don't run, I just wait for it to reach me eventually. Hmm anyways, I think I have quite a high tolerance for physical pain. Emotionally, it was quite an experience itself. The thing about humans is that we run, we flee without knowing exactly what it is that we are fleeing from. We notice a dark figure passing at the corner of our eye and we conclude it to be a spirit and scare the shit out of ourselves. We see a cockroach and scream for our lives like it is about to swallow us whole. The truth is, we are not brought up in a societal system that teaches us nothing but the crudest, blackest, darkest and most obnoxious. We have a choice, to live wearing our own comfy pair of flats or bleed in stilettos just to fit in. Some may ask, why even bother covering your feet? Generalising here, I think those are the kind who think they are the author of everyone's lives or just blind hipsters wannabe. The thing is, we just got to let go a little sometimes.
What is next?
A new quest. New country. New people. New experience. New cultures. New ideologies. New excitement. New knowledge. New skills. Same me, just reinventing for the better. It would be a super amazing one. I do not know what's been planned for me or what opportunities I will jump on to tomorrow but I am sure that I would not regret these decisions I make. That I am learning to live alongside uncertainties.
This is the start of a summer's dance. :)
