Mi corazon

Haywire. 'Napped' at 4.30pm and woke up at 11pm. And now I can't go back to sleep. The past few days, everyone's working extremely hard for good grades and whatever other reasons that forced us to bury our heads in books. In the process, you could hear the sound of some wanting to give up so badly, some crying silently inside, struggling within themselves but still tried to portray a calm, comforting smile to others. We are all in this together yet we are fighting individual battles of our own. It's hard to see and know something but not being able to do anything to make it better.

I choose to ignore, always. I choose to let people be disappointed, but hope that they'll get back up stronger and find a better person in their lives. There are times I feel like getting so wasted, just so I can use it as an innocent excuse to do something I've been suppressing for so long. It may not worth a thing but not everything needs a reason to do, does it. We all know that feeling where you need that little push to start the move. Sadly, we don't get it often cause people don't read minds. 

Two more weeks and we'll take a long break. May it be a great one. I pray that everyone continues persevering and not give up. Think of this as your last chance to redeem yourself and do your best. There's no point crying and shaking and regretting. There's just not much time left. Yosh!

Am I crazy or am I blind

Someone told me that I'm out of my mind

Aurum

They say everything happens for a reason. What happened today is going to be an unforgettable one. It's so silly. I didn't know why I acted like that. It's like I didn't care one inch about everything and everyone around me and I just did it, so publicly. And I didn't stop there, I couldn't no matter how hard I tried. It went on for a while till home. And then, it went on hysterical mode. Crap. One small thing led to another and the deepest, darkest one.

I feel bad. But grateful.

Someone Told Me - Jake Bugg

Killing shots

A crazy week it was. Class tests, Malaysian Studies exam, first part of English finals. I don't usually get headache but thank god it came after everything was over. Three hours of nap and I feel worse. I could barely move and my eyes kept shutting every time I tried to open them. Can't wait for the long long break.

Today is special. Exactly one year it has been. I've never thought that we would ever set eyes onto each other or had the chance to even be together, but I guess it's all fate. This one year, I've got to admit that I was rough, I wasn't careful in my conducts and I broke you once. You have no idea what it cost me to see you broken by someone else when I'm not looking, in mere split second. Nevertheless, you were kind and forgiving, looking past the past with such generous personality. I hope we could go on together for more years to come as a team, for life. :)

It's amazing how people are. One moment you think they're nice and such good companies and the next, you kinda disagree with their behaviours and whatnot. We change super swiftly like the direction of the wind, don't we. There are times when we hope for something different, something to change, someone to realise, someone to care and sometimes, the total opposite. When it does happen right in front of your eyes, it's too surreal you can't swallow it. It's like it's such bad timing you're almost like disgusted by it.

I don't know what's my point but yea, people change. No matter how far you've left your past behind and move on a better, happier person, it will somehow still come back at times when you're most vulnerable. It's easier living with something you've never tried before than the opposite cause when you know how it feels like, you'll always long for more. Then again, life's too short to hold back and not take risks. Let's enjoy life and not worry too much of the consequences, shall we. :)

Boston

Once upon a time, there lived a girl who loves to run. Every day, she runs everywhere, all over her vicinity to help those in need or simply spend time talking and accompanying the lonely. Sometimes, when she isn't in a good emotional state, she still absorbs conversations like a sponge and try squeezing out helpful advice. For her, seeing the happiness in others' eyes is her main source of happiness. One morning, she woke up and she thought to herself that she wants to stop running. She wants something new, something different that could give her the same kind of happiness but in a different, more meaningful form.

She finally realised that, what is the point of her going all out for the people who didn't even appreciate and thank her for what she did. Hence, she stopped running around. She began isolating herself, trying to find her true self and discover what truly makes her happy. Months after months, she still hasn't found it yet. The people who used to use her 'free service' began to worry but did not go out to search for her, not even ask if she was okay. She was dumbfounded to hear that but in the end, she still went back to running, for the people. She has been ignoring and pushing aside her own wants for so long that she doesn't seem to know if it really still matters. Running, was all she did. And running, is what she chose to do for the rest of her life. 

Sometimes, you feel so tired. You don't feel like putting any more effort, knowing that it will only go to waste or very minimal use. Sometimes, it's not even because of yourself. You get tired seeing what others are going through. You feel them. Sometimes, they are quite a distance from you, but when you feel crappy for no reason, you can feel that they are going through it as well and you say quietly inside, "Well, at least we still have something in common. I hope this could lessen yours." You could lose your mind, sooner or later. For some, it has already started. 

Lost in Translation

Today can be the worst day of my life as a student but I'm not gonna think that way. ETP today was great, we had more fun going around playing games and watching the dramas and video presentations than explaining to passers-by about the disease we're promoting. And bought lots of stuffs for charity. Twas amazing. The LAST project for FIS. Hallelujah. Oh yea, my first time playing dart and I hit the bull's eye! :D

And then, the interview. Wanted to cry halfway seriously. What kind of questions.. Okay I admit I wasn't prepared, my bad. And when I told her, she just laughed and said it's okay, I did my best. That made me even.. sigh oh well. So glad it's over. Don't have to worry about it like the others whose turn is tomorrow or on Friday.

I can't believe I played poker with UNO cards before it like nothing. Craps I do at the wrong time. Anyways, today I saw a different side of some people. It's kinda comforting to know that humanity still exists in those who look so cold and insensitive. I feel bad for you but it's not in my power to do anything about it. I'm just an outsider now. I'm glad it's over. Or maybe not start at all.

War time amigos :) 

Violet

I don't know her, but I love her. 

101th birthday. :).

Certain things stay the same without you asking.

Everybody's wish.

Home

Howdy. I've been napping so much that my brain is a mess now. Oh well, I'm foreseeing late nights and last minute studying for the next one month or so. Final's up in June. After that, I'm free for about three months. Hallelujah. Can't wait for the long break.

One more month left and we're still busy with projects and assignments. And for the ones planning to study Pharmacy, we have the essay writing thingy and interview soon, like this week and next week. I don't know what I'm gonna answer them seriously. I can't even concentrate on one thing right now.

I didn't expect this to come back and grow inside me again. It's like a tumour, perhaps it's always been there, been a part of me all this while, me feeding it like it's the most natural thing to do till it's starting to take over my body and now, my mind. I've always known what's the cause, hormones. You always do this to me. Why can't we be friends hmm? Lol crazy.

It's so awesome y'know, school. You get hungry all the time but eat at the same place so often. It's always there, the same thing day after day. You tell yourself it's because of the limited options but deep down, you know it's not that. You choose to go to that same place every day. Yea you go around trying new stuffs every now and then but somehow, you still come back to the same spot. Nights. :)

I can't make sense of what I'm saying too. Teehee. 

Forward

Another month had passed. We really shouldn't stop at one point and ponder too long cause time will keep going and the slower you learn from your mistakes and move on to the next step, the further behind you will be. And, the day you lose someone you love is the day another hole is punched from your heart. Without realising, you're making mental notes in your head every time you look at the calendar. Soon, everything will be a habit you don't even need to try.

Happy May. Let it be a great one. :)

I see my pretty face in his old eyes

I listen to our blood run side by side

I throw my hands to you

I run away

It's so cold so dangerous that I can't stay

Soley - Pretty Face