No. 7

Some things I say, I don't feel like saying it any more if it's not to you. Some things I think about, I think it's pointless when you don't know that I do. You think I'm proud, you think I'm fine. But I am only hoping that all of that are you. I don't see you in my dreams any more. Is it because I am slowly getting tired and falling asleep. Sometimes I only hope that there is no more hope in me. 

How would you cope if the world decided to make you suffer for all that you were

How could you dance if noone was watching and you couldn't even get off the floor

What would you do if you couldn't even feel, not even pitiful pain

How would you deal with the empty decisions, eating away at the days

TNAF! 

Light up, light up

There's a graduate in the house :). We had a celebration last Sunday to celebrate his graduation and birthday. Twas great. We had too much food though. 

My turn is still a long long way to go. Just thinking, what if the day I graduate my heart tells me that this isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life. It's crazy. But, I'm actually prepared for that if it really happens. This is what happens when you don't know exactly what you're passionate about. It's okay though cause I'll always try to give my best in all I do and I believe it will do good. 

Certain things look cold on the outside, but when you start to see what's inside you can actually feel the warmth it possesses. Gradually, you get comfortable and sink deeper into it because you like that weird feeling without realising it. For some, it becomes an obsession. One day without it, you'll go haywire. That's when you know it's bad for you and you need to get rid of it. However, the bad news is it's never easy to shove aside something you really like and are dependent on for so long. I miss my pillow and bolster so much. Haha. 

I believe that everybody is gifted and talented in their own ways. You may not see it but others do. I realise things people don't for some reason. I can't give good advices but I can share my own experiences. I'm not very good at articulating my thoughts but I can put myself in your shoes and feel what you mean. I won't judge and I won't be like what most people would. But I'm not god, I can't always be there for you. For all you know, I might be the wrong one. 

I'm thankful for the promise he made me make. Buenas noches, amigos. :).

Always loving the sky.

Patatas

Something's not right and really weird with moi today. My fingernails are the colour of M&M's. Seriously, and it's darn distracting during quiz today according to Calista. Haha. And an Iranian friend called me Canny the Cute :/. And I was sitting under the umbrella thingy and a hot girl sat beside me and a friend asked if she's my friend. In the bus, someone said hi to me like I'm her close friend for years. So nice :). 

So yes, today was weird but I think I like it. Where you just go with the flow, shed down all paranoia and ego and do whatever your heart tells you to. The feeling you get after that is priceless, trust me.  Not everything has to go as planned or with deep mind-crushing thoughts. It's more exciting like that and it gives more contentment. And most importantly, it's honest and sincere from your heart. I love you God =). 

I can't wait for this weekend! :D

The only korean dude I find attractive. He's a dude for god's sake. HAHA.

Farah! She's a star now ;)

No wonder she asked for the picture the other day. Hmm. 

May you blossom to the fullest in spring

And I'll still see you on winter nights

Rekindle

If our hearts are never broken
then there's no joy in the mending
There's so much this heart can teach us both
Though there's distance and there's silence
Your words have never left me
You're the prayer that I say every day


New York - Snow Patrol

24

It's so late, I'm so sleepy, kinda hungry too. But I don't want to sleep yet. Yesterday, I had less than three hours of sleep. Seriously felt like zombie and my head went haywire. I hear things differently, I can't walk properly and I think of so many weird stuffs. It's been a while since I last stayed up late chatting. And we ended up crying and laughing all at the same time last night. I don't know why, something just hit me and I realised that some things have not changed. I don't know if I should be glad or whatever because I'm not the type who likes changes but certain things, it may become harmful if it stays the same for a long time. Like today, I found a heavily-moulded sandwich in the locker I could puke just imagining it in my mind right now.

I never was a deep-thinking person. I never was a bright student. I never was a nice person. I am by far the most average girl people will never notice even if it's just twenty heads in the crowd. I grew up with three brothers, got bullied every single day till my tear glands got numb, learned martial arts in a boy's school, grew up watching only cartoons, went late to kindergarten once because mom had to remove the red permanent marker ink I used to 'polish' my nails, got chewing gum stuck in my hair and kept quiet about it, sneaked into the principal's office to use her toilet cause the school's one stinks, vomited out roti canai while sparing in taekwondo, haha that was funny, accidentally kicked a guy in his groin and did not feel bad, saw flashers three times in my life, did not shower for five days straight in a camp in Langkawi, stole a bracelet charm from a shop before, told tonnes of lies, slapped my friend in primary school, called people horrible names, killed too many lives, caused disappointment to my parents, embarrassed myself and my family and a whole lot more.

We all have our pasts. We are always judged based on them because it's the only thing certain about a person. You can make a thousand promises or say the sweetest stanza but it doesn't make a difference unless you prove it true. But one thing I hope, that I'm still a good listener.

Cutting kidneys tomorrow! *excited* :)

Small Bump

Ever listened to a song millions of time to find out what was the true message behind it? Well I did. At first, I thought twas about an 'imaginary' baby he never had. I thought wow, this dude is something to write about something so darn deep. And one day, being me, I overthink and I thought maybe it's more than that. Maybe it was about a miscarriage. So little detail was given at the end of the song, it must be something more. So yea, me addicted to the song very muchie :).

This past one week has been quite a ride downhill. New timetable. Monday, we had to urinate into the beaker and measure it for a few times for the urine output experiment. Twas weird cause people might be thinking "I know what you're gonna do inside there with those apparatus and you're disgusting." Haha anyways, we had fun. There were people complimenting each other, Not bad uh, you can pee a lot; You got big bladder!; You pee so much uh, wah. So hilarious.

Tuesday, we made soap. Seriously almost fell asleep while stirring. Most boring experiment ever. And instead of powder soap, Kam and I got jelly soap. Haha. The funniest part was when the new demonstrator just finished explaining, Kam and I turned to each other and asked, "So, do what now?". Wednesday, we shot the advertisement for our charcoal toothpaste. Can't wait to see the outcome :D. Thursday, slept over at Farah's house. All of us cooked dinner together and watched A Crazy Little Thing Called Love. So awesomeee. The guy in it is so cute and it was one of the sweetest love story I've ever seen. Yesterday, class ended at 9am for us. Had a lovely time talking over Baskin Robbins and walking around pyramid.

In two more months, we'll all separate and go in different directions and be somebody great. Everybody has a part of their lives that they don't want to talk about. Not that they intentionally hide it but it was just not something they themselves are proud of. And like it or not, we're all judgemental. Lots of thinking the past few days, made decisions I'm unsure about but one thing for sure, I wish to change further in some ways. It's something I hope will happen some time ago but never had the courage to.

Moo cha chas. :)

Thank god I don't need to meet my friends today

One week passed so fast. Now we got to get back to the treadmill and keep up with everybody's pace so we don't be thrown further to the back. No more slacking. Easier said than done, always. This one week had been great though. Went out with friends on alternate days, watched two movies, finally read Sing You Home(amazing story), pampered myself with lots of guilty pleasures, stayed up late, skipped breakfast, became super lazy. :)

Went to Port Dickson today. The usual, we cleaned up the place, laid out all the offerings, prayed, chit-chatted while waiting, spent time at the regular beach we religiously visit every year and me, I just sat on the mat, snapping away while letting the soft sea breeze embrace my skin. I love it, the beach. For a while, all worries and stubborn thoughts just dropped off from your head, leaving you feeling so light like a feather.

I've always thought, I never had the chance to meet him. So, it's only natural to not miss him because I've never had the opportunity to get to know him. It's funny how you could miss someone you despise so much after years even though you really dislike him for everything he's done to you. But at least, there is that faint memory of that person in you rather than nothing at all. It's a shame but c'est la vie. I've learned the hard way to not hold on to the kite's line too tightly for it might snap sooner than you expect it to. But now, it's so hard to even start building a line.

Two more months, another chapter of my life will end. Everyone wants a happy ending, don't they. It may be fate or luck, but it's definitely lots of effort. I may not end up as someone I planned to be, but nevertheless, I will stay true to myself and be happy.

I don't know why I always sound emo in my posts but I'm actually kinda 'jumpy' inside?. Haha oh well. Reading my friends' blogs, I am really grateful to have them as part of my life. We're all incredibly different people by personality. I guess we complete each other like that :). Have a wonderful day every day.

And not forgetting, Happy April!