Spring, I'm coming!

It has been two weeks since the final paper of my university life. Results is out and with lots of mercy I believe, I'm set to graduate this November! Funny how five years have passed in this university with these people. To someone I used to know: I kept my promise, I finished my studies. Lol. It's true that it's easier in hindsight. I guess there's no need to overthink things sometimes, just jump into it. Like how I jumped in Perhentian, when I realised how scary and possibly life-threatening it was, I was already in mid-air, no turning back. However, when I hit the water and *splash*, it was all so worth it.

What's next is super exciting. For three years I have been attempting to go for an exchange. First, Taiwan then Kyrgyzstan. Third time's a charm it is. Czech Republic is going to be awesome! I just can't wait to meet the students, host families and locals. Really excited to share about my country, cultures and perspective as well. If you have hosted foreign friends in your own country, you would realise that no one country is perfect and at many points, you'd be grateful to be where you are. You know so much about this place, you know how to get somewhere without the help of the GPS, you know where to go to satisfy your food cravings, you see familiar faces yet there's still so much mystery yet to be uncovered. You seek a deeper kind of meaning and relationship instead of all-pretty-and-nice things which merely impress on the surface.

I wish to make this soil I grew up on a better place. I honestly do. But I first need to see more, know better and understand deeply. Phases of growth, I'm getting back on track. The good, the bad, the unexpected, I will embrace them all with grace, faith, wisdom and strength.

Perfect blue. All smiles. Best memories.

A Continuation

So it's the new year. Happy New Year! Everyone's celebrating it with lots of positive zing and hopeful wishes. It's nice to see to a point where you kind of realised that these people who are talking about changes and new beginnings, they're not actually talking about themselves. More like what they expect to get from the new year, from the universe, from the superior being they believe in. For me, I've checked and crossed on the sheet where I wrote my 2013 resolutions on. Realising that a yearly resolution isn't gonna work for me, I did a half-yearly one. I learned about this resolution model from a motivational coach two years ago, it's pretty brilliant as it encompasses all aspects such as studies, finance, mental, etc. instead of the sole aspect which agitates us the most. Writing them down, you realised how weak you are at certain aspects. You realised how lost you are and how much effort you've put into running away from it.

I've come to face my fears, writing things that I'd probably laugh at years later. But I think having the gut to pen it down shows enough interest to give it a try. Looking back, 2013 has been one of the most life-transforming and enriching years. Of course, the active involvement in AIESEC contributed the most to who I am today. I've always been an active participant in clubs and societies, taking up leadership roles since high school. It's not for the extra credits and what not, it's just a channel of spending my time, enriching my experience in the particular educational institution, learning new things, doing things out of the classroom, perhaps meeting new people too. I'm grateful for all the doors opened for me, the genuine souls I met, the nurturing hearts I've connected with, the generous people who embraced my unique personality and the lovely companion at all moments.

January, faced with exam and attended MyLDS. Dramatic me on one of the nights during the conference, I'm truly glad that I let myself loose and share the challenges I was facing. At the end of it, I was motivated to take up more challenges instead of the initial thought of quitting. Then comes the festive season, the usual overeating and meet-ups with friends and relatives. I got myself a smartphone too XD. Elections was nerve-wrecking, glad I passed and given the chance to experience this learning pathway. Attended SEA Congress in April, where I met lovely people from the whole SEA region. It's amazing how we still keep in touch and buzz each other every now and then. Studies got more hectic nearing the middle of the year, glad I passed all my modules. If you're wondering if pharmacy is tough, it is. I don't know, maybe it's my bad habits. Throughout the year, I've met many new people and bid farewell to many as well. The beautiful thing in each relationship you build is the memories you leave behind, it's never really gone. Attended more local conferences, this time playing a different role of the driver instead of the receiver, jumped into a random opportunity of facilitating for the very first time and man, at such lovely venue; Port Dickson beach! Speaking of randomness, the most random thing of 2013 was the honour of organising the 45th Anniversary of AIESEC Malaysia. The most intensed, stressed, craziest two months the team had experienced which bonded us so tightly. And I can safely say that my 20th birthday was over-celebrated and exaggerated. Seriously YOLO or what those people. But grateful, I really appreciate every surprise, effort, wish, gift, love, care and blessing showered upon me. I don't know what I've done to deserve all that but it made me more determined to give back more this year. Thank you to everyone who has played a part in enriching my 2013 and it shall continue on with greater force in 2014. Let's live it to the fullest! :)

Lessons of 2013
#1 Friends who bring you out for dinner and willingly be your driver are super rare
#2 Everything you do involves commitment, there's no reason of being afraid of it
#3 Love is a verb, not a feeling
#4 It's okay to not have a passion, but not discipline
#5 Stop running away
#6 Take the things you do seriously, not yourself
#7 Being able to give is a gift

We've come too far to give up who we are

So let's raise the bar and our cups to the stars

Night Air

The calm of the ocean, lasted for a decade and a quarter. Not one soul encountered. Nothing surprising. It was an isolated island hidden in the proud shadow of a cluster of beautiful islands with softer sand and bluer water. She literally has never seen daylight until one day, an adventurous explorer-cum-island hopper rowed his overweighted kayak to the back of the giants out of sheer curiosity; and he found her. It was a moment of the most complicated concoction of feelings experienced: joy, excitement, sympathy, confusion, apprehension and of course, curiosity. He believed that everything has its own story to tell but this one, he foresee a rough, challenging journey if he were to persevere to the core of it. He didn't had a plan at that moment, he's just done the south eastern of Africa a week back anyway. So he thought, why not give it a try. Little did he know that his overweighted kayak wasn't going to be sufficient for the duration he was about to endure. She didn't welcome him very well for the first two weeks of his exploration but as he discovered every way to go about with her, he began to enjoy it. The best part was, she, too, began to sprout interest in this mischievous, witty gentleman. She noticed even his slightest quirk, like removing his watch when he needed to write and boy, he hardly removed his spectacles except at night when he goes to bed. As they grew closer, commitment assumingly increases too and nature took its turn to be a pain in the neck. They both experienced the longest period of remorse, incomprehension and devastation of their lives. Being an explorer, he always knew that he has a choice to control his destiny. Hence, he left the island.

We always focus on the start and the end of things. Monday sucks. TGIF. But what happens in the middle. It's the part which matters the most. It's the part if changed, could change the ending entirely. It's the peak of the learning curve. It's everything but the end.

The truth is rarely pure and never simple. - Oscar Wilde

Night air has the strangest flavour

Space to breathe it, time to savour

Night Air - Jamie Woon

Stomping The Phantom Brake Pedal

Howdy. Today was indeed a great day. You do things you feel like doing, don't have to overthink anything. You just let the vibrant youthful energy fills you to the brim and without realising, you're smiling with no purpose. Your feet start dancing to the rhythm of the wind. Isn't it beautiful, just laying down on the grassy carpet, staring to the night sky and letting your thoughts take whatever images that come and make a beautiful virtual scrapbook in your head. I've always liked the sky. It gives me comfort every time I needed a lil' peace of mind. It's like there is someone out there who is constantly looking out for me. I know I could trust him, I know he's always thinking of me like how I think of him, I know he'll wish for the best for me in whatever I do. I loved him then, I love him now and I'll continue loving him. "Because after all, you never really stopped loving someone." The best part of all, we do not even have to be in the same time dimension. Cause we believe that distance and time are not normal beings' issues. The only thing that matters are the characters who are acting out the play - us.

"You can do whatever you want that makes you happy," she said. "Because you are a big man now. Nobody can stop you. But please know by heart that, this is your story. You decide what you want to tell your children, your grandchildren next time and how you want them to perceive you as a person. It still holds true that nobody is perfect but everybody has a living conscience. You do not just let them go to waste. If it was not good that you've done, then it must be the other way round. The world is always in equilibrium and so are you. What you think is true now might not be in the next couple of days. In times of struggle, just say those words. Whatever word that eases the aching network of tissues even if it is a name you have been trying to forget for years. Anything, my love."

Good night and good day! :)

Take me as your servant

Take me as your weapon

Take me as your courage

Anything Could Happen.

Howdy. Dang, feel so lost for words. To those who expressed their concerns, thanks a million. Really appreciate them. All is well, no worries. Relatives and friends in the home almost every day, it means a lot. And mum and dad had been telling the same 'story' over and over again. It really does feel like a dream. Like dreaming with side effects. Whatever that means.

Anyways, uni is starting in about two weeks' time. I miss those times where I'll be so excited shopping for a new pair of white school shoes, socks of the same colour tone, stationeries like erasers, ruler and those classic Luna colour pencils although the existing ones were still usable. In the end, I have the whole box of every residuals combined together, making art pieces at home out of school period like I'm Picasso or some random great artist. I didn't attend tuition classes until I was eight. And I used to walk to that fella's house just nearby. After a while, something happened and I joined Delta.

I have to say, although I was from an all-girls school, the sight of boys weren't at all alien to me. I'm just dead scared to talk to them. The first friend I had in tuition was Lily Hong, and gosh, she and Chee Seng were the tightest enemies. Haha. The things they call each other could make me smile for hours. Like what, Lian Chee Kang? LMAO. Twas definitely a better place compared to the home tuition. And then, UPSR year. More friends from the same school joined the same class, more companies for me. We always hogged the second front row, it was the MGSians' row. Sometimes, we had to combine classes and that's when concentration becomes difficult. The other class had more lively, crazy and outgoing people. I love when it's Math. Gosh, I swear I thought I almost died of heart attack so many times. Awesome lady.

And the ring incident. Now that I thought of it, that was the first time someone ever gave me a ring. No, I asked for it. HAHA. I was just fascinated okay. He had a ring on every single finger of his and there's even spares in his pocket. While waiting to use the loo, I thought why not, it won't harm anyway. Surprisingly, he held out both his hands and asked me to choose. I was so so so happy that night, not because of the ring, but because someone so tough and cold actually treated me so nicely. Sadly, the ring didn't survive long. I got into the waiting room, showed the ring to a friend, he took it from me and dented it flat with the leg of the table. Till today, I never knew the reason. But I thought perhaps they're just school 'rivals'. Oh boy, what memories.

From then on, I was always a kid. Been a kid till sixteen. Still a kid at seventeen. Eighteen, perhaps a lil' less. And now going on nineteen, hopefully I become more of an adult. I honestly don't know exactly what do people mean when they say they're an adult now, no more a kid. Do they mean they're no more sponsored by their parents? Or they've been through a lot in life? Their thinking changed? They reached 21? Whatever it may be, for me, it is the sense and act of responsibility that makes a person adult. I need to work more on the action part. I'm still very dependent on my parents. I have to admit, I like being their kid. :).

Lost for words konon. Forgive me for the clumsiness in my words, before, now and in the future. Sometimes, things just don't turn out as you imagined. May the best falls upon every beautiful hearts. Buenas noches, amigos.

I'm pretty sure this is me now. :P

CM ♥

After the war,

We said we'd fight together.

I guess we thought,

That's just what humans do.

Anything Could Happen - Ellie Goulding

Promise

It's exactly one year today. How have you been up there. Everything's fine here. I know you're watching from above. We all miss you very much too. See you soon.

Isn't it crazy, to feel so much, too much at a time that you can't even tell what you're feeling. That's when an open ear comes to play. Slowly when you begin putting your thoughts into words that your mind starts to see things clearer. Sometimes, not clear enough. What is the point of being able to read but not interpret those bunch of words. Nothing. What is the use of being able to hear but not understand what message those waves are conveying. Not much. And what is the purpose of feeling when you can't pass it on to the one you love. It's like having a letter but no pigeons to fly it to where it's supposed to be.

Anywho, what's there to complain about when all you need is given and blessed to the brim. Don't wait till you lose something to appreciate it. And me, I need to apply what I wisely let slip out of my system every single time. I'm really grateful to him for everything. Really. Great Friday and weekend with the family and friends, amigos. :)

Fairytales

To all the free at mind and heart, congratulations. We've persevered and thrived through this one year and whatever happens, be proud because we came out of the battle alive! Lol exaggerations. So one chapter is closed. The next chapter, 24th September 2012. It's really not that far away, time flies and before you know it, it's right in front of you. And things that happened, it seems as though it just happened yesterday. Scary.

Anyways, happy holiday and go crazy. :D

Mi Ohana ♥. 

24

It's so late, I'm so sleepy, kinda hungry too. But I don't want to sleep yet. Yesterday, I had less than three hours of sleep. Seriously felt like zombie and my head went haywire. I hear things differently, I can't walk properly and I think of so many weird stuffs. It's been a while since I last stayed up late chatting. And we ended up crying and laughing all at the same time last night. I don't know why, something just hit me and I realised that some things have not changed. I don't know if I should be glad or whatever because I'm not the type who likes changes but certain things, it may become harmful if it stays the same for a long time. Like today, I found a heavily-moulded sandwich in the locker I could puke just imagining it in my mind right now.

I never was a deep-thinking person. I never was a bright student. I never was a nice person. I am by far the most average girl people will never notice even if it's just twenty heads in the crowd. I grew up with three brothers, got bullied every single day till my tear glands got numb, learned martial arts in a boy's school, grew up watching only cartoons, went late to kindergarten once because mom had to remove the red permanent marker ink I used to 'polish' my nails, got chewing gum stuck in my hair and kept quiet about it, sneaked into the principal's office to use her toilet cause the school's one stinks, vomited out roti canai while sparing in taekwondo, haha that was funny, accidentally kicked a guy in his groin and did not feel bad, saw flashers three times in my life, did not shower for five days straight in a camp in Langkawi, stole a bracelet charm from a shop before, told tonnes of lies, slapped my friend in primary school, called people horrible names, killed too many lives, caused disappointment to my parents, embarrassed myself and my family and a whole lot more.

We all have our pasts. We are always judged based on them because it's the only thing certain about a person. You can make a thousand promises or say the sweetest stanza but it doesn't make a difference unless you prove it true. But one thing I hope, that I'm still a good listener.

Cutting kidneys tomorrow! *excited* :)

Thank god I don't need to meet my friends today

One week passed so fast. Now we got to get back to the treadmill and keep up with everybody's pace so we don't be thrown further to the back. No more slacking. Easier said than done, always. This one week had been great though. Went out with friends on alternate days, watched two movies, finally read Sing You Home(amazing story), pampered myself with lots of guilty pleasures, stayed up late, skipped breakfast, became super lazy. :)

Went to Port Dickson today. The usual, we cleaned up the place, laid out all the offerings, prayed, chit-chatted while waiting, spent time at the regular beach we religiously visit every year and me, I just sat on the mat, snapping away while letting the soft sea breeze embrace my skin. I love it, the beach. For a while, all worries and stubborn thoughts just dropped off from your head, leaving you feeling so light like a feather.

I've always thought, I never had the chance to meet him. So, it's only natural to not miss him because I've never had the opportunity to get to know him. It's funny how you could miss someone you despise so much after years even though you really dislike him for everything he's done to you. But at least, there is that faint memory of that person in you rather than nothing at all. It's a shame but c'est la vie. I've learned the hard way to not hold on to the kite's line too tightly for it might snap sooner than you expect it to. But now, it's so hard to even start building a line.

Two more months, another chapter of my life will end. Everyone wants a happy ending, don't they. It may be fate or luck, but it's definitely lots of effort. I may not end up as someone I planned to be, but nevertheless, I will stay true to myself and be happy.

I don't know why I always sound emo in my posts but I'm actually kinda 'jumpy' inside?. Haha oh well. Reading my friends' blogs, I am really grateful to have them as part of my life. We're all incredibly different people by personality. I guess we complete each other like that :). Have a wonderful day every day.

And not forgetting, Happy April!

Loves chocolates

At certain points of your life, you'll start to notice the once unnoticeable. Maybe it's the whole growing up and maturing thing. It makes you think more and with greater depth. And you avoid thinking of certain stuffs for some reason you might not even remember anymore because you've become so used to doing it. Most of the time I looked like I'm thinking of something, I really am not. Just flashes back that come and go in my head in those few seconds. Weird.

So there's a gym now in the college and a mini swimming pool. I wanna swim there but.. too open :(. So many quizzes and stuffs to do. Where is the motivation hmm? Okay, I'm out of words already. Tata.

This picture was taken four years ago(never mind the quality).

And four years later right on the same spot :D.

Notice the similarity?

And Happy Valentine's Day with all your loved ones ♥. 

You Are More

Hello amigos. I guess this will be my last post of the year. Time flies, yes it does. You're gonna miss stuffs from the past but as life goes on, better stuffs happen and you only wish it gets better and better.

Well, the first half of the year was pretty..it was a handful but nothing much at the same time. Spent most of the time at home thinking and going on vacations with family. And thank god I took up a part time job for a while. It was not the easiest six months but I've really learnt a lot from it.

Going to Taylor's was not the easiest decision I've made too. I felt like a jerk, for some reason, no matter which decision I made but I had to do what I had to do. I do admit I wasn't the friendliest girl and people were actually scared to approach me. It sucks, coming out of your comfort zone. Back in high school, you know everybody there and you have friends you can turn to anytime. It just wasn't easy to open up and live in the same 'house' with 6 new friends all of the sudden after 6 whole months of living in darkness. And then, my cousin went to a better place.

Come to third month of college, things got a lot better with all the group work and projects we have to go through. All that had definitely pulled us closer and made us understand each other very much deeper. I've got awesome classmates, that's for sure. Towards the end of the sem, I need not say, it was THE best time I've ever had in college. Dinners and late night walks, going high studying calculus, doing mock exam paper while squatting on the chair, stalking each other when we're bored, library camping for 8 hours straight.. 

The holiday was great. After finals, went to Malacca for kinda a "JPA gang trip". We planned this like two months back in the bus on our way to Subang Parade. Great experience. Then the supposedly birthday-surprise-party. Thank you guys. And Mandy invited me to spend the Christmas with her and her family in the highland. It was amazing. Super cold Idontknowhowthatgirlsurvive but yea, lots of fun. 

So yea, it was a year. Shockalingam year.

I have changed. I'm not afraid to say it. I did. And I will keep on changing whether the universe like it or not. Fatter, shorter, girlier, chubbier, crazier, louder, whatever it is as long as I stay true to myself. My new year's resolutions, simple stuffs but hard to make it a habit. :) May we all rejoice and welcome the new year will lots of love and smiles. Happy 2012 :D.

Thailand.

Genting.

Port Dickson.

Sara's.

Since orientation, we suffered together haha.

Good old buddies.

Rocket mates.

Got wet in the rain for McD. All worth it.

The baby we will always call Mamypoko.

Durian ice-cream cake on mum's birthday. Unforgettable.

Bon Odori.

MX. A gift.

We used to argue but we eventually became friends.

Lots of freedom.

Lots of fun.

Lots of hard work.

Lots of memories.

Happy year!