Say Something

I've been stalling, wandering around  the same spot for way too long. I know that I need to move to a fresh new spot and start a whole new journey. Well, at least that is what some people who care for me seemed to want for myself. But that isn't what I want at the moment, fortunate or unfortunately. There's nothing I would dare to wish for anymore because wishing only gives you hope. And sometimes, hope brings you nowhere.

I had a conversation with a friend by chance the other day. He said, the answers are in all of us. It is us whom let ourselves into the state of not knowing. We deny ourselves, we disregard the only person we have known all our lives, we choose to put ourselves lower than anything that we seek comfort from. And we choose to let fate decide by tossing the coin. 

If I have to only choose one thing that I learn from my mom on a daily basis, it would be the fact that "It is a gift to be able to give". I didn't quite understand that when I was four. Gradually, mostly from observation of her actions, it became a part of me. I find joy and gratitude for everything I am and have when I am able to give. Frankly, how people react to it sometimes pisses me off. I refused to accept that there are people who use people. How naive. But this very meaningful phrase melts the frustration away every time, you can't give something away if you don't have it. So give others what you choose for yourself. 

Leading Light.

Bygone spring

The interaction we make each day serves as a support system. It may be just a hello and goodbye but the fact that it is some sort of an acknowledgement creates a ripple effect of heartfelt gratitude to the rest of the world. It's amazing how such mechanism works. The vibrations produced from the vocal chord materialised as sound waves and eventually travelling through the nitrogenous-filled fluid medium, reaching out to a number you don't usually keep a mental record of. Or, if virtual, the optical mechanism pathway.

It's not easy being out there, vulnerable to other's flexible reach and conveniently made-up expectations. But the experience is worth it. The crazy things you went through with these bunch of people are things you never ever thought of since before acquaintance and now, you're flipping through immortalised memories of it in the form of photographs. You can't turn back time but memories will stay on for as long as humanity lives on this planet. And when the topic of death is popped, the bitter scent of regrets starts to fill the air. It'll go by.

Above everything that has been communicated, nothing is ever as what it seems like. As we see, feel, hear, taste and smell, we're making mental judgments at the back of our head which at the end of the day, may be entirely deceitful. That's the truth of it all. There's always the possibility of going wrong if we only rely on a sole entity. Hence, connections. Various depths and distances of it. 

Well, that was super random. Good day!

Take time

It's been some time. I often do not know what to type about anymore. It's like as a tiny plant grows into a mature tree, it has lesser and lesser space to breathe. Competition for sunlight, water and oxygen gets tougher day by day. Until there reach a day, you gasp, suffocate and eventually wilt to death. You can be all jolly and giggly in the day but once the sun's hidden behind the dark mysterious silhouette, it's a whole new ecosystem. The rules we play by are different, the nature of the players, the game essentially. Some treat it as one, non-surprisingly. However, of course, there's always the brighter side of it. That's when you look up far into the sky and the moon is shining for you, smiling down at you as if saying, "Child, it's not over yet."

It isn't fair really to judge a person on one occasion. Then again, we do it all the time; being controlled by our volatile emotional self. I guess we get it already that people do not just 'burst' into explosions. It accumulates over time and one not-so-fine day, it erupts. We forgive them anyway. People say hurtful stuffs on social networking sites hoping that the person whom it was directed to will come across it and feel at least a needle poke in them. We forgive them anyway. People take advantage of you thinking that you don't react to situations. We forgive them anyway. People do many things. But we don't forget that easily, cause it leaves an impression. A memorable and lasting one.

Anywho, despite the challenges, I am grateful. To have faced these challenges at this age where strength and passion are still new elements to be explored and conquered. I am grateful to have curious friends who ask and do things with lots of guts. I appreciate people who take the first move and who are not shy in admitting their unconventional needs and wants. I really look up to people who takes in blows after blows and still are able to plant a sweet smile on their face like no one knew about the storm. Definitely not the hypocrite type but rather the super humble and giving type who has patience of a nun.

*Found this in my draft so I'm gonna just post it. If it's worth your time reading on, life's good currently, actually it got way way much better a couple of days ago. Like a huge change of wind. It wasn't easy though. So much sorrow and excruciating pain have been shared among us for years. The change would not be easy, but we're gonna give it a chance and make this the best decision we ever gonna make as a team and most importantly, as a family. Thank you God for making this dream a reality. I wish everyone the same miraculous happenings and beautiful days ahead. Never give up and stay strong. The day you're waiting for may just be tomorrow.

Awegurls. LOL.

Festive season. Family dinners. Movie plans. Random hang-outs. Chit-chat session in the car. On the couch. Awesome food. Crazy laughters. Motherly advices from a not-so-motherly figure. Awkward moments. Funny teasings. What else. Jubilant snaps. And all the unspeakable, if there is.

You don't know how much something means to you until you lose it, as clichéd as it sounds. But it's true. Not that I don't appreciate what I have but it's the realisation that the time is here and I have no excuses but to face it. It's not as difficult now, it's been quite some occurrences. Or maybe it's because there was a proper goodbye. It's really comforting to know that your relationship is still as warm as it used to be although you don't spend much time updating each other about everything. It's one of those connections that you say yeah, I can be friends with this fella. Like buddies. I can say all I want and not worry if I'm gonna be judged. Maybe I will but well, it doesn't matter, there's too much to remember anyway.  

And then, there are also other forms of friendships where you say, yeap we're friends. But you hold back, you're not as blunt and crazy as you can be with some. Everything just seems, composed. Your thoughts, actions, requests, everything. Cause you don't wanna involve too much emotions into it. You try not to make a fool out of yourself. Embarrassing blunders and stuffs. You try to spend as little time as possible, saying don't cross it. But still, you hope that things will turn out better as time goes by cause everyone deserves the same equal chance, until they disregard it. 

Human interactions are really interesting. You could tell so much by just observing. Makes you value and put in more effort into yours more. Happy August. :)

Same casts, different universe.

The moon a perfect round, shimmering and gazing down with the perfect imaginary smile on its ivory, steely surface. Familiar background music that brings back familiar emotions. Pitch dark backdrop replaced with a pair of colourful fabric wings drawn to the centre so they meet each other. And applause drowns your voice away with the night breeze.

You thought you want more. You feel like you deserve more. But when the curtains are drawn, you realised that your armour suit are just props of a play and it has ended now and you have to hand it in. Deep down, you know, that you are not done reciting your lines. Hidden lines at the back of the script that no one sees but you. Everyone's rushing, getting out of their costumes. Time is running out. You have to do it before the fairy tale moment cease, before you are torn out of your Hercules skin. You are right there, every bit of courage gathered into a bolus in your throat and just when the first syllable comes off your mouth, you turn to cement like a spell cast on you. 

America

We see, we hear, we feel different natures of things every day. But we don't always realise it. To acknowledge and respond to changes requires effort. It is an act of will. One does not passively look at another person and the words 'you're beautiful' slips out of his tongue. No. The image of that beautiful lady must have induced an electrical impulse at the back of his retina which is then transferred to the higher centre of the nervous system, the upside down image inverted to the right orientation and interpreted as a beautiful sight and then off it fires another impulse to the speech centre and the lips mouth the shape of those words and vibrations from the larynx surfaces as his voice. The world has no one true book of rules to be abided by but humans, why do we have to act in a certain biological procedures in order to prolong the continuity of our existence on this earth that was once believed to be a flat plane and because of that strong-head belief, Galileo was sent to imprisonment. Centuries ago, professions like lawyers, insurance agents, policemen and bankers didn't exist, you can say that things were horribly bad and out of control. But look at us now, are we any better? The fact that there weren't those specified people to carry out their specified job descriptions simply tells us that people back then were much more capable of settling matters out on their own, through compromise, understanding and productive debates. Unlike today, we hire someone, pay them a substantial amount of money and we sit back letting them do the 'dirty' job. Where do we go from here, really.

It really upsets my mind to think about reaching for my dreams sometimes. Of course, it's fluffy stuffs that others will immediately stereotype you for for being ambitious, or rather, different. They look at you like you're a different species or someone whom they used to know but turned out to be far from what they imagined you to be, external factors they blame. At the back of your mind, you think, am I still going to fit in here. As a toddler, you grow out of your three-year-old clothes when you barely reached four. And it's okay, that's acceptable. How is it different here, you may wonder. Mindset. A darn f*ed up one. It's funny how many are fooled by my exterior that I subconsciously try to portray while less than a handful could spot me out after a few observations. Truth to be told, I care nothing about dreams and goals, screw getting good grades and a high-paying job. 'You are a natural procrastinator,' one said. I couldn't agree more. I could imagine myself at the edge of life, it's not the strings of award and recognition that I'll care about, but the person holding my hand at my death bed. The person who will smile crookedly while shedding tears and he'll tell me this, 'I'm okay, go in peace,' ..simply because, we've practised it a million times throughout our lives being together. We know that there is no 'forever' between us. Love doesn't make us immortal, it keeps us alive. And to feel alive, you need to be constantly at the edge of it. You need to keep fighting for what you deserve.

I'll read this tomorrow morning and wonder who typed this. Good day, mates.

TPOBAW

You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think it counts as love.

Clouds and shimmers.

Clouds and shimmers. Clouds and shimmers. Just so random. Life's been good and bad, learning from the hard way, overwhelmed by emotions that are not usually present, meeting random people, taking up challenges as they come, embracing new experiences, putting aside tasks that don't worth the time yet, going against current, going with current, brushing up on a skill, indulging in long-abandoned interest and planning for an escape. Still working on the great escape. Too little time has been allocated to type things down into concrete legible words. Perhaps it's a good thing, perhaps not. But it's a fast-paced world we're living in. Even the worms and the birds spend more time out of their shelter. Everyone's rushing against time. Time, it is what separates the mindful and the oblivious, the successful and the contemplating. It feels so good getting to take a break at last, get my head off exams. But for once, life didn't just stop there with absolutely nothing in hand. In fact, more is up. It feels hectic, stressful and crazy but when you look back at all the effort you've put into it, the outcome and the satisfaction, the meaning behind those effort, it isn't what it used to be. It's indescribable. It's just, different. It's something so organic you can't imagine what it would turn out into.

It's like when you meet someone new, a stranger. Some, you could talk endlessly like you've been besties for years. Some, you just wouldn't go any further than a neutral handshake. You may immediately think that those are the outcomes of your little effort you've invested with 'all your courage' kind of thing. They aren't. There's is no true 'end' outcome to anything. Nothing is ever an end to anything. I learned that the hard way but I'm thankful I did. It may sound really abstract but think about it. Perspective. Parents, they often think of life with the end in mind but children, youths, they look at life with the beginning in mind. It makes a whole lot of difference.

And this post has no true end to it.

Clouds and shimmers. :)

Night Air

The calm of the ocean, lasted for a decade and a quarter. Not one soul encountered. Nothing surprising. It was an isolated island hidden in the proud shadow of a cluster of beautiful islands with softer sand and bluer water. She literally has never seen daylight until one day, an adventurous explorer-cum-island hopper rowed his overweighted kayak to the back of the giants out of sheer curiosity; and he found her. It was a moment of the most complicated concoction of feelings experienced: joy, excitement, sympathy, confusion, apprehension and of course, curiosity. He believed that everything has its own story to tell but this one, he foresee a rough, challenging journey if he were to persevere to the core of it. He didn't had a plan at that moment, he's just done the south eastern of Africa a week back anyway. So he thought, why not give it a try. Little did he know that his overweighted kayak wasn't going to be sufficient for the duration he was about to endure. She didn't welcome him very well for the first two weeks of his exploration but as he discovered every way to go about with her, he began to enjoy it. The best part was, she, too, began to sprout interest in this mischievous, witty gentleman. She noticed even his slightest quirk, like removing his watch when he needed to write and boy, he hardly removed his spectacles except at night when he goes to bed. As they grew closer, commitment assumingly increases too and nature took its turn to be a pain in the neck. They both experienced the longest period of remorse, incomprehension and devastation of their lives. Being an explorer, he always knew that he has a choice to control his destiny. Hence, he left the island.

We always focus on the start and the end of things. Monday sucks. TGIF. But what happens in the middle. It's the part which matters the most. It's the part if changed, could change the ending entirely. It's the peak of the learning curve. It's everything but the end.

The truth is rarely pure and never simple. - Oscar Wilde

Night air has the strangest flavour

Space to breathe it, time to savour

Night Air - Jamie Woon

SEA

Nothing could beat the scent of you darling

Nothing could change the shade of your lovely skin

Nothing could top the melodious rhythm of your hum

It's you, it's you and nothing else matters

When the sky turns grey

But the sun scorching hot

You know there'll be a day, some day

When all that falls is purple rain

Happy May! 
Peace, love and understanding to all my loveliest in SEA region. :).

Run

Do things that you never thought that you'll ever do. When something scares you, you know you're doing it right, you know you're living life to your fullest potential. You don't need to plan it all to make it work cause plans are dead. Now, I can proudly share if I were asked how it feels like donating a part of myself. The red bloody connective tissue that does everything it has to to keep me alive. Although it started off as a not so good experience but it became one that was even more memorable than the crazy deed itself. I am grateful for the ever so caring and loving people by my side who knows me and what I need better than I do sometimes.

And three whole days of Health Promotion Campaign could really open your eyes to more things that you'll ever learn in a year of lectures. Things that I call the 'real stuffs out there'. The people, they're real. Their stories, the look on their faces when they express those words, the burning desire to know more and to be reassured. I'm glad to have been exposed to this side of the profession that I've chosen. And the indescribable feeling of satisfaction working and spending more than 12 hours a day with my fellow batch mates and the seniors. They're an awesome bunch. It's a shame that we only have such brief moments with each other before some of them leave to UK. Nevertheless, the connection was strong and a comprehensive one. No one could understand this part of our uni life better than they do really.

This evening, I am glad to have the opportunity to listen to Orla Meade, Unilever's HR Head of Singapore. It was a privilege speaking to her and she said, studying something and doing something in life doesn't have to be the same thing. Love her Irish accent. Okay gotta pack, off to Penang tomorrow. Teehee.

Love, peace and understanding.

Ever Enough

It was exactly a year and a day since she had Sam. A Friday.

She left work at 5pm, parked her car at the shoulder of the road instead of the garage and stepped into the hallway of the poorly lit house, like any other days but this time with a different kind of grin on her face. She cooked up dinner, picked up toy cars and vomit-stained napkins from the floor and set up the dining table for two. It took her half an hour longer than the usual but it didn't feel like it for her. Once the clock struck seven, the cuckoo bird came to live with a weird Moroccan beat for about five seconds. Again, perhaps she didn't even notice it because she was staring blankly at the pile of toys in the middle of the living room where Sam used to play. Used to.

What or rather who was she waiting for? Sam? Her husband Jerry? Her mother-in-law from another town which is fifteen minutes away from where she lives but only come by twice a year since she got married to Jerry; once on their anniversary to remind them of how they were a mistake and another during Thanksgiving where she buries herself with booze in Jerry's liquor collection in the cellar and leave without any notice, usually after a week. It has always been strained, her relationship, their relationships. Even before the baby. The baby.

Jerry came home at about half past seven, an hour late. But Sue didn't say a word, she stood up, helped him with his coat and briefcase and shared a swift but understanding kiss. They have always had a lot of respect for one another. And tolerance. Being lovers since their high school days, it took them a lot to be where they are now. They know pretty much everything about each other, likes and hates, choice of words when replying a text, taste in clothing and food, bad habits, goals and directions in life. Romantic or sweet, two words they get a lot in any gathering or event they attend. The truth is, it gets mundane. Conversations become scarce and eventually non-existent between them. The mind, dream and world they used to share are gradually dividing to two separate entities. Something was coming in between them.

They sat down at the dining table and fed each other like teenage couples do in fast food restaurants.

Jerry finally spoke, "Funny ey, habits. They don't leave us as we wish. I've gotten so used to you and this home, I can't imagine coming home to anybody else."

"Well, you said the same to your mom before you met me, didn't you", Sue said monotonously.

"C'mon Sue. I don't have to say it, you already know. Right?"

"Well guess what. I don't. I'm not even sure if you know what you feel inside. I'm tired of assuming Jer. 15 years. You love me but I don't hear it from you. Why are you keeping it to yourself. Huh?"

Silence. They both put down the cutleries in their hands to the sides of the plates gently. They looked up straight into each other's faces. One minute has passed. Two minutes. Five minutes. Sue began to tear. It was true. What he said about habits. She rose from the chair in slow motion, went up to their bedroom and came downstairs with a luggage bag and left without a word. Jerry was still in his chair. He waited till the sound of the engine disappeared. He walked to the fridge to get an Avian. He paused at a sticky note which says, "Dear Jer, we're not a mistake, I know. But you've never said so." He continued, "Don't worry about Sam. He'll be happy to have you when you're ready to have him in your life." Signed at the corner: "With lots of hope, Sue."


Get a grip. Happy monday. :)

A different kind of love

I can't blog as often anymore cause priority setting has leaped into the picture and it's taking up a bigger role than I imagined it would. Not that having quality alone time is of no importance anymore but it has to be done faster, more productive. It's true that productivity is not determined by the amount of time you put into doing something but how much effort you put into that duration. Something Puan Giam wrote in my little notebook in standard six. I didn't quite understand how it would relate to life or in what context it can be applied but now, light-bulb moments!

Right now, doing what I sign myself up for without expecting much in return at first, if this is not it then I don't know what is. Even if it's not, every experience is worth the try. It's totally different and this is what I wanted. Things HAVE to be different in order to obtain that something different that I'm searching for. It's a crazy thing to jump into an unfamiliar, ever-changing ocean without a plan but it's crazier to tie yourself to the railway track and pray for miracles.

Yesterday was a good day with the family in Port Dickson. What's better was having a good read under the humble shade of a coconut tree on the sandy beach. Triple goodness is what I call it.

"You had many more years," he said.

"I didn't want them."

"But they wanted you. Time is not something you give back. The very next moment may be an answer to your prayer. To deny that is to deny the most important part of the future."

"What's that?"

"Hope."

The shame welled up inside her, and once again, she wept. She missed her mother more than ever.

"I'm so sorry," Sarah gasped, tears pouring down her cheeks.

"It's just felt like. . . the end."

"Ends are for yesterdays, not tomorrows."

Dor waved a hand, and the street dissolved into sand. The skies turned a midnight purple, filled with countless stars.

"There is more for you to do in this life, Sarah Lemon."

-an excerpt from The Timekeeper by Mitch Albom.

May you all have a wonderful Monday.
Happy April!
And peace, love and understanding. Always. :)

We Are In Love

The past two weeks have been super awesomely crazy. Been leaving from and coming back to home in the dark. I really appreciate the trouble and sacrifices mom and dad have to go through. And friends, those who offered help and distractions and those who kept me going. It's amazing how some people have the biggest hearts to get down in the rain with you. That's when it all turns to pure enjoyment.

9th of March was the day I pierced through the stubborn slimey membrane of my bubble. Not entirely torn but that's the biggest first step I've ever made so far. It's just the beginning, said many people. Many more hurdles, bigger ones ahead of me. This is one decision that I really hope I will not regret, as much as I've tried convincing myself that it's worth it before this. Too much that is sacrificed and to be sacrificed. I hope they understand what I'm doing, why I'm doing it.

Love this song the second I hear it. Perfectly dreamy. Good day amigos, always :).

Every colour in the world is in your eyesAnd everywhere you look you shine a lightHollow as the night until I saw youI came back to life when I saw youIt doesn´t matter if the stars forget usIt doesn´t matter if the world don´t know our namesIt doesn´t matter if they talk about usIt doesn´t matter cause we are in, we are in loveWe Are In Love - Cider Sky

Cielo

I know it's everywhere but just wanna say, great effort to the organising team and everyone involved in putting together such an awesome event. It did reached out to many many youths in the most exciting and upbeat way. Such a shame the lil' one and I had to leave before the concert. Anyways, it was worth it listening to all the sharing from a list of successful and inspiring personalities like Tony Fernandes, Dato Ruby Khong, Pushpa Basnet, Scott Hammel, Henry Golding, 14-year old Matthew Supramaniam and Deborah Henry and of course, our prime minister. :D

She is Ashling Ezra Lee. :)

Happy Monday, amigos!

Veinte

Hi amigos. How's it going. It feels so good to finally get to catch a breath even if it's for a while. The past few days, got to spend time a bit with the medicine peeps before they go on their break. Somehow, it's kinda envious seeing how they could bond so closely, such strong togetherness. :)

Things been crazy but great, keeps us alive. So much has changed, it's only going to go in this direction. I hope it's a starry night every time I shut my eyes thinking of all the beautiful shinies that made it happen, from the very beginning of time. Some things stay with you for a very long time: they are words that you feel for very deeply at the particular moment. It shapes you from that very second.

Happy March :).

The Great Escape

I don't know how this would turn out to be.

 But I am just going to give it a valiant go.

 Not gonna think how it's going to change me or my life as a whole.

 Just have to have faith that it'll bring me to somewhere right.

 An experience that I want to have and give up things for.

 May it show in me and the things I say and do.

 No regrets, only motivation all the way through.
(This snap reminds me of a friend's photo taken in Phuket)

 I can do this. For I have you and the glowing fire in this lil' body.

"If you think sunshine brings you happiness, then you haven't danced in the rain."

Good day! :)

When you sang

Love, this world you're stepping into is a different one. You've got to be strong and confident in doing what you believe is right. Cause people are ignorant, they don't understand the things you do. "They don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. - John C. Maxwell"

Five hours more to a two-hour class. I enjoy sitting in uni at early hours when the sun is rising, watching the ducks groom themselves, beautifully-dressed people strolling by the lake with friends or their special ones till it's time to rush for lessons. It's funny how people are usually loud and chirpy when they're in a group. But alone, they're a whole different person. The mask is taken off, the real thing sets in and they finally get to take a break. Is it a revolutionary thing. Perhaps, perhaps not.

Oh well. Time to move on to the next agenda. Good Monday, lovelies. :)

Everybody lies, lies, lies

It's the only truth sometimes

Doesn't matter if it's out there waiting for the world to find

Or buried deep inside

Everybody Lies - Jason Walker

Leaving

Often times, we try very hard to be acknowledged, to be appreciated or to be accepted. We're so persistent in standing our ground and fighting for what we have always believed in but really, we have to know when to stop. If you're not given a chance or you're not being appreciated, leave. If you continue holding on, you're only going to miss out on more stuffs in life.

TGIM! :)

Shine On

No words could describe it. All the photos and hype is still ongoing on Facebook. And looking at the photos only brings back deep emotions. It's funny how you could connect with so many people in such a short period of time. We came as strangers and parted as family. I guess that says it all. 

Throughout these awesome six golden days, I've learned so much about myself through others, and others through working together as a team. Being transparent about yourself is not an easy thing to do. You need to have immense trust in the people who's listening to it. I'm very glad to say that I did not regret it at all. 'Cause the consequence after that is too overwhelming. I experience tremendous changes immediately in those aspects pointed out and I really really appreciate it and want to do the same for others as well. This is the life-changing experience that I've been hearing for so long. I get it now.

One of the very beautiful and admirable thing about AIESECers is that we all acknowledge our weaknesses and we try to improve ourselves. And we know that the best way to do that is through others. I'm often amazed when I get feedbacks that I would probably never be able to think of. It's like they get what you're going through, what you need, what you want. We're all hungry and foolish people so to say. :)

I'm really thankful to have been to MyLDS 2013, themed Impact Now. I don't know if I've impacted anyone but I really want to thank my dear Chief Delegate, Winnie, my team, Tiger who's a mixture of Malaysians, Egyptian, Chinese, Hong Kong-ian and Paskistani, my group faci, Andy from Taiwan, Hong Kong delegates like Michael and Helen who I met on the first day, Jessy from Madagascar, all OCs, MCs and facis and everybody whom I've communicated with. They've all contributed to my awesome experience I'll never forget. ♥

2-3 hours of sleep a day and still we're so energetic.

Sugarcubes and souvenirs.

 Happy February you beautiful people! :D

New

Every once in a while, you screw up. Doesn't matter on what magnitude. After some time, after a period, a transition, you'll realise that it's totally fine. Well it is still something that affects you but you grow out of it, sometimes it only takes you seconds of the right thoughts. Cause you know the fact that you're not in it alone. It's quite comforting to hear whispers in your little heart being spoken aloud by others, reassuring yourself that you're only human. And acceptance, it's one very magical and powerful thing amigos. Fearlessness and acceptance.

The next few days will be a cocktail of pressure cooker, out on the beach sweetness, warfare adrenaline rush, boardroom professionalism, kindergarten excitement, anything you let yourself to be I guess.

Dream.

..till it scares you. 

;)

Explosions

Once upon a time, I was a wooden pencil. Red and green stripes, the colour of Christmas. How boring is it to exist as something as rigid as this, I thought when I was six. Everywhere I looked, I saw more exciting beings than myself. I thought, maybe it's fate, maybe it's karma. But I was lucky to be borned with a rubbery material on top of my head. It helped erase frustrations caused by accidental mistakes done by my owner or her friends whom I don't really like being groped by(they have weird, rough, sweaty palms), but most of the time, it's that four-letter word she really likes doodling on my other friend who's white as ghost. Sadly, I've never got the chance to clearly admire that special word because it's too low below and I have short-sightedness. However, I remembered the way my body swayed every time she held me. One night when she was out with her bunch of sweaty-palmed buddies, I fought my way out out of the rough pouch she zipped me in and subconsciously moved on Monsieur Ghostly White like it's the most natural thing you see a pencil do. Then I gently laid on him and finally saw it. It spelled S.H.H.H. That was the end of me as I knew it.

I wonder how I'd score if I wrote this for an autobiography in primary school. Lol. Tenses, I always messed them up. Still do. 

Revamped.

Gemini

Got on a crazy huge ship at Penang Island and off we sailed. Away from the structured-landscaped view. Away from people, literally. One of the best travelling experience so far. Thanks to my dear parents for always giving us the best lifetime experience and momentous moments like this. Got the chance to get to the shore of Phuket and Krabi as well by tendering boats, and did some sightseeing at the town. Beautiful people, amazing food, lovely tour guide, great weather, breathtaking sceneries, awesome companies. Twas perfect.

Being 'stranded' in the middle of the deep sea, not having a clue of where you are and what to do if anything were to go wrong, twas just amazing. There's no separation of the sky and the sea. The horizon is endless. You turn around 360 degrees and all you see is the same serene, soothing scenery. But sometimes, a lil' change is needed. I never knew it could be so uplifting to see the mountain-like dark patches appearing above the skyline. That's when I realised, no one could ever live alone.

If you compare yourself in the day and at night, you wouldn't see much of a difference in the way you live, your lifestyle, the people you meet, the things you do and such. It's pretty much consistent and in the 'safe' zone. I met this guy, Matt, who was our tour guide in Krabi. He has knowledge and experience as vast as you can imagine. Was a former Thai boxer, he met people from all around the world. One awesome guy I'd like to meet again.

The Gala Night taught me how diversity could bring people closer and not the presumed opposite. People from Philippines, China, Nepal, India, Finland, Sweden and Vietnam running that one ship. That's something there. Sometimes, we get too comfy in the same environment we overlook things. We assume and demand for our rights that we forget to be considerate and sensitive of other's needs. It's only human, ain't it. Think again. And also, extreme joy or sorrow brings the most kilos. Yeap. Oh well, as long as there's

..peace, love and understanding. :)

80-20

Howdy. The past four days were awesome. Every once in a while, it's good to have a getaway to recharge and come back fresh. To come back to what you left undone, unfinished, untouched, it's not really something I look forward to but it's not a choice I get to ponder on, is it. On the way home, the thought of just letting everything go and start anew somewhere else, doing something completely different flooded my mind like a tsunami. It's not just leaving things that's not in my favour but everything; likes and dislikes, needs and wants, past and present and perhaps, a potential future that's shining my way. To walk away from something you don't know the outcome, it kills for most of us.

Seeing how different things are elsewhere, it opens your eyes. You're less hard-headed and more grateful and forgiving. You learn to mould a mind that's understanding, peaceful and more aware of indifferent situations. We don't realise what we're gaining and losing every day but thoughts are the one thing we all possess no matter how restless we feel. We just need to have the right one at the right time.

"That was the worst thing about growing older. That was the worst thing of all. Realising that you could keep living without anyone, when it came to the crunch, when it came to goodbye and good luck, take care of yourself and let's be friends, realising that we are ultimately alone, taking our pleasures where we can. - Rory"

What's a good day without a good laugh. They're always around you, doing things they don't want their future children to find out. Haha ciao.

Unencumbered

It was great. It was exciting. It was meaningful. It was memorable. It was joyful.

I've nothing much to say really. Or rather too much for a quick post. After watching Life of Pi, tomorrow's adventure seems so much more exciting. Will be back in four. Take care, amigos. :)

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Every chapter is like one of those stones. Parallel with your collection of stones are the people you encounter's collections. Not everybody's stones are similar yet they exist on the same path. 

That's the beauty of it all.

Happy January!