Spring, I'm coming!

It has been two weeks since the final paper of my university life. Results is out and with lots of mercy I believe, I'm set to graduate this November! Funny how five years have passed in this university with these people. To someone I used to know: I kept my promise, I finished my studies. Lol. It's true that it's easier in hindsight. I guess there's no need to overthink things sometimes, just jump into it. Like how I jumped in Perhentian, when I realised how scary and possibly life-threatening it was, I was already in mid-air, no turning back. However, when I hit the water and *splash*, it was all so worth it.

What's next is super exciting. For three years I have been attempting to go for an exchange. First, Taiwan then Kyrgyzstan. Third time's a charm it is. Czech Republic is going to be awesome! I just can't wait to meet the students, host families and locals. Really excited to share about my country, cultures and perspective as well. If you have hosted foreign friends in your own country, you would realise that no one country is perfect and at many points, you'd be grateful to be where you are. You know so much about this place, you know how to get somewhere without the help of the GPS, you know where to go to satisfy your food cravings, you see familiar faces yet there's still so much mystery yet to be uncovered. You seek a deeper kind of meaning and relationship instead of all-pretty-and-nice things which merely impress on the surface.

I wish to make this soil I grew up on a better place. I honestly do. But I first need to see more, know better and understand deeply. Phases of growth, I'm getting back on track. The good, the bad, the unexpected, I will embrace them all with grace, faith, wisdom and strength.

Perfect blue. All smiles. Best memories.

Bread of Life

In seeking for a relationship of pure, unconditional and selfless love, we often overlook the one person who has always been there with us through ups and downs. Despite being rejected time and time again, He still persists and patiently waits for us until the day comes where we surrender and acknowledge His presence and love for us. It's sometimes ironic how we long for a love so perfect and fulfilling yet when we have finally stumbled upon one, we think that it is too perfect to be true. We contradict ourselves. I do, countless of times. I am fortunate beyond words for all I have experienced and for who I am today, all the glory goes to Him, my one and only Saviour and Lord.

I occasionally am caught by surprise by the things I wantonly say to others. I know it wasn't me but it was the projection of something greater, wiser and more divine. Yesterday, men's selfishness got to me. Yes, men are generally selfish for survival sake but in certain cases, it is the abundantly rich being the more insecure and fearful ones. It may be true that when you acquire something in excess or beyond need, you lose balance of the other possessions as more attention is now vested into your newly found 'fortune'. So you lose time for yourself, your favourite pass time activity, relationships or career. From the sense of losing control and balance, insecurity creeps up and you acquire that survival instinct to prioritise yourself above everything and everyone else. Hence, selfish acts result. Now what do you do when someone is acting selfishly. You treat their insecurities, you give them comfort, piece of mind, hope, trust and companionship. For every action from hope will selflessly extend itself into the universe. 

Our deepest fear is not losing all of our money and possessions, but of being alone and living a life of loneliness. When time gets tough, let us not drift away from our loved ones for the fear of troubling them and adding on to their burden. Instead, stay closer to them, pray that you acquire the strength or wisdom needed and work it through together. That way the perfect relationship with the strongest roots of foundation will grow and  flourish through scorching hot sunlight, drought, flood or the craziest sandstorm. 

We just got to believe it .

I sat and dreamed at the foot of your bed

You split my skull and reached inside my head

And pulled out the pictures I'd been wishing I'd forget

And you stitched me up then

And wiped the blood from off my chin

Glory - Radical Face

Say Something

I've been stalling, wandering around  the same spot for way too long. I know that I need to move to a fresh new spot and start a whole new journey. Well, at least that is what some people who care for me seemed to want for myself. But that isn't what I want at the moment, fortunate or unfortunately. There's nothing I would dare to wish for anymore because wishing only gives you hope. And sometimes, hope brings you nowhere.

I had a conversation with a friend by chance the other day. He said, the answers are in all of us. It is us whom let ourselves into the state of not knowing. We deny ourselves, we disregard the only person we have known all our lives, we choose to put ourselves lower than anything that we seek comfort from. And we choose to let fate decide by tossing the coin. 

If I have to only choose one thing that I learn from my mom on a daily basis, it would be the fact that "It is a gift to be able to give". I didn't quite understand that when I was four. Gradually, mostly from observation of her actions, it became a part of me. I find joy and gratitude for everything I am and have when I am able to give. Frankly, how people react to it sometimes pisses me off. I refused to accept that there are people who use people. How naive. But this very meaningful phrase melts the frustration away every time, you can't give something away if you don't have it. So give others what you choose for yourself. 

Leading Light.

Shine On

No words could describe it. All the photos and hype is still ongoing on Facebook. And looking at the photos only brings back deep emotions. It's funny how you could connect with so many people in such a short period of time. We came as strangers and parted as family. I guess that says it all. 

Throughout these awesome six golden days, I've learned so much about myself through others, and others through working together as a team. Being transparent about yourself is not an easy thing to do. You need to have immense trust in the people who's listening to it. I'm very glad to say that I did not regret it at all. 'Cause the consequence after that is too overwhelming. I experience tremendous changes immediately in those aspects pointed out and I really really appreciate it and want to do the same for others as well. This is the life-changing experience that I've been hearing for so long. I get it now.

One of the very beautiful and admirable thing about AIESECers is that we all acknowledge our weaknesses and we try to improve ourselves. And we know that the best way to do that is through others. I'm often amazed when I get feedbacks that I would probably never be able to think of. It's like they get what you're going through, what you need, what you want. We're all hungry and foolish people so to say. :)

I'm really thankful to have been to MyLDS 2013, themed Impact Now. I don't know if I've impacted anyone but I really want to thank my dear Chief Delegate, Winnie, my team, Tiger who's a mixture of Malaysians, Egyptian, Chinese, Hong Kong-ian and Paskistani, my group faci, Andy from Taiwan, Hong Kong delegates like Michael and Helen who I met on the first day, Jessy from Madagascar, all OCs, MCs and facis and everybody whom I've communicated with. They've all contributed to my awesome experience I'll never forget. ♥

2-3 hours of sleep a day and still we're so energetic.

Sugarcubes and souvenirs.

 Happy February you beautiful people! :D

Eighty one

Thanks Masuma for snipping this. ;)

"Connection is what defines us as human beings, and it is through connections that we prove our existence. This simple concept is a small part of a much larger discovery made by both men." - Love

What's next?

Howdy folks. It has been one of the craziest week so far for me. I've never felt so occupied, so highly on demand and appreciated for a very long time. Indeed the decision to join AIESEC and the LLDS was one never to be regretted. Honestly, I didn't know what to expect at all from it. All I wanted to do was to occupy my free time with something hopefully beneficial and exciting. I didn't know anyone there but Jana and Sam but they're in the OC so they're kinda busy with  their responsibilities. I got into the bus and sat alone by the window and watched unfamiliar faces appear from the door one by one. Finally, the head count was done and the journey to Gohtong Jaya began. My plan to take a nap was disrupted when Kairat came to sit beside me. At one glance, you'll think that he's Korean. I was wrong, he's from Kyrgyzstan and he reminds me of Jia. :). We talked about many random things including politics. LOL. And he thought me his language. Privet!

We didn't take long to set our luggages aside and begin the game session. It was really fun and definitely got us hyped up for the following sessions. Next, we had a look at our accommodation for that two nights and I was in the room of six together with Xue Ying, Rachel, Renny, Yi Jing and Sam. Without wasting much time, we continued with the sessions at the activity room where we were introduced to the fellow facilitators, organising committees and executive board. Then, we had the ice breaking game which unconsciously brought us into our own groups of eight. I am glad to be in my group, F.S.B which stands for faster, better, stronger. Love our roll call :D. Fast forward to dinner and the Dream session. For certain reasons, things happen and that night, I knew for sure that I was not alone. Christina had been the nicest, most caring and encouraging person towards me throughout the entire programme. Knowing her is a privilege of a lifetime.

So we called it a night after Adrian and Jana left our room and I woke up at 5am, went down wandering in the cold dark dusk. My legs brought me to a swimming pool and I laid there watching the twinkling stars gradually disappear as the morning sunshine greets us with warmth. During breakfast, I got a cup of milo and Chipsmore from my guardian angel. What a great feeling to start your day with :). Everybody's doing the sweetest thing they could for their mortals from writing flowery notes, preparing breakfast for them to sending them massage services, it was such a beautiful concept I think. If only we all do this in real life. We'll only be happily broke, I don't mind. More exciting activities. I love the Paper Factory game the most. Like I said, everything happens for a reason. I was welcomed into Jia En's group where the funny people were. I really had fun bargaining with the tree-selling fella, making deals with other groups(thanks to MapleStory, lol), persuading the 'Mexican dude' and seeing Jin close a deal with the 'client'. So professional. Seeing that kinda hit me a little inside, I don't know why. And during Talentime, they all knew what happened. Yea some lady with weird accent won the talent show. Haha.

The second night was a long one. Everybody was writing sugar cubes till late night. I wrote till 4.30am and I slept off at the sofa outside. I got more biscuits from my guardian angel. I kinda suspected it must be from one of the EB cause he didn't give me any note. Thanks, Zee. Towards the end, we took loads and loads of photos and we had a sharing session. For me, these people really inspired me in many different ways; Christina, Elwin, Jin and Jet. Thank you. It has been a deeply memorable and amazing experience for me. The things I gained is just priceless. The people I've met are a gift from god. And the most beautiful part is, this is just the beginning. By that, the month of September was concluded and I started degree. Happy day every day, amigos! :D 

You sing, I'm killed, I'm just not the same

As I was a year ago and each minute since then

My jumper tears as we take it off

You say you'll sew me good as new and I know you will

Set Down Your Glass - Snow Patrol

Cherished

24th December 2011

Happy birthday to my brother!

I will remember today for a very very long time. I really like today, celebrating at home rather than the usual mall-outing. Simple. Had dinner with grandparents just now. Yesterday night was funny, I can't get myself to sleep because I was scared somebody might appear at my gate at sharp 12 because of Pravin and my dear brothers. "Wear nicer a bit to bed tonight ah". What was that for..ish haha.

Anyway, today the gang came over and we talked, took photos, had lunch at Uncle Choon, sang song, ate cake(The Red Velvet Cake) and played Wii. It was fun. Feels so at home not having to bother where we are, what we do. I've never typed so many 'thank you's in a day but it's okay, cause every one of them made me smile. Some were really funny and some, I felt really happy just receiving them. And conversations with people I hardly get the chance to catch up with, all of the sudden they appeared and we had a good laugh reminiscing the past. Now, a lil' bit on those who gave my brother and I a heartwarming birthday gathering.

Rachel, thank you for the Bob's Machine! I never expected you to really make our creation one step closer to reality. It's amazing, I look hot with those sexy legs in there :). And yes, we will always be the awesomest mother-son pair FOREVER. Sorry I'm so mixed up with the Rajis and Rajims, why must you use such complicated words. Haha stay awesome always. ♥

Yen Yen, thank you loads for the wonderful Lilo & Stitch tumbler and the t-shirt. "Thanks for the memories all these years". Short yet means so much. Thank you too, for being there through all those crazy ups and downs. ♥

Geok San, thank you for the pretty little card and book. Will read it in the car during my journey to Johore. Although we've not been talking nor seeing each other much this year, I know you're always there looking after me :). You're one beautiful person, may God bless you and guide you through thick and thin too. Btw, your handwriting changed, so doctor-like now. ♥

Next, Siew Li aka Mamypoko. Me, Beyonce's moves? Haha I'm always sexy, Indian's natural curves. You are the longest friend I've ever known, since standard one. Those were the days.. I love you and best wishes to you, my friend. ♥

Kia Hooi, Vi Vian, Siew Ern, Vino, Wei Wei, Deena, thanks a lot for the wishes. Amazing people. May God bless you all and wish you all a great year ahead with all your loved ones. ♥

Muacks

I am a very happy and satisfied girl right now. ♥

Thanks so much fatty :)

..and my room mate was staring at me behind thinking I'm crazy.

Live like building rockets

All our sweat, blood and tears were gathered together today for a judgement of precision, creativity and durability. Although some didn't go as planned, we all had fun and enjoyed the crazy moments we had with each other. It's not often we can get all the engineering science and health science people together so it was fun. They're always the hyper, noisy ones and we're more to the in-control, mature type. It's insane how people have fun together and almost lose themselves completely. Twas indeed an awesome day. Our rocket was great :).

Theirs is definitely gonna win Most Creative. Lego :)

 Alene, Lina, Pavitra.

Nicest and smartest people around.

 Annisa.

You can hear her from two blocks away. No joke.

 The dude's group.

 F for Farah.

Girliest rocket of the century.

After the whole launching thing ended, seven of us took the bus to Subang Parade. We watched 'You Are the Apple of My Eye', a true story. They read the book and said it's nice. I enjoyed it, I like the ending where it's not what usually happens in any other love story. He said, "I thought I would be sad looking at her on her wedding with another guy. And I was wrong. Truly loving the girl you like is seeing her living really happily." It was kinda stupid though since he and the girl obviously still like each other and I thought her husband was her dad. I don't know. Haha YH was like really pissed when she came out of the cinema. Funny larh.

And we had Swensen's for lunch. Lots of cheese.

When I was younger, mum and dad used to bring us here on Christmas eve to celebrate our birthday. It was so long ago and it's really sad to see its condition now. We were the ONLY patron there this afternoon and the food isn't as good anymore. I dared not even order the ice-cream. We were extremely bloated though.

 Super adventurous people here.

Miss Alene Yong.

After that, guess what. We took the bus to Sunway Pyramid for second round. Lina and JY needed to buy shoes. And dinner, we had Kim Gary. Seriously crazy but it was fun doing things like this. Just enjoying, no books, no pressure. Mum miscalled so many times and when I finally answered, and told her, she actually laughed and said it's okay pampering myself once in a while. ;)

That was one of the best Saturday I had this year. Staying the weekend here isn't so bad after all. But I got water problem, I can't get used to drinking water from the cooler or bottled water. It tastes weird. Very, very weird. That's why I bring water from home every week. Hee.

Omg, that fella did the sweetest thing ever. I was just saying stuffs that day, wasn't that serious or anything and he really wanna get me that as my early birthday present. I thought he wasn't even listening. Haha crazy fella. Damn hilarious XD.

i actually want give surprise

but

i scared u dont want and waste money

so i ask u 1st before buy

huh?

later no money cannot buy d

guess what i want to buy

HAHAHHA

dont say anything about that shit

i know

haha

mylo xyloto!

LOL

really ah

Shinies

Ms. Siew Li officially turned eighteenth yesterday. No longer the 'Mamypoko girl' but she's always mamypoko to me. Haha. I guess she is the longest friend I have ever had. Since Standard 2! Ten years now. Same class, she was the class monitor, I was the silent and invisible one, we had a very scary class teacher who loved to pinch students' stomach and cheeks, we played 'catching-catching' during recess like the word sweat and smelly never existed. Seriously was so much fun those time.

And yesterday, we all made her 18th birthday as memorable as it can be. Instead of the initial entertain indians-go upstairs-shower-skype-sleep plan, we changed it to the crazy surprise birthday party. Her sister was a huge help to make this a success. Haha twas great. Another moment of love :)

Marshmallow lollipop =D

A chick!

Blueberry cheesecake

Playing heart attack.

Rachel's a horrible counter :P

♥♥♥