Latent

It's in a blur. Ever since the very first time he witnessed a pink flower blossomed in spring. It was the most breathtaking moment he ever had, and he knew at that point that nothing in the world can ever beat that moment. Not even winning the weekend lottery. Nor seeing his wife again. There are certain things in life that cannot be replaced. He knows that absolutely well since the tragedy seven months ago. But he also knows that it is not because it cannot be replaced, but because he refuses it to. He likes how special it made him feel and he likes to think that he was the only person in the whole of Carousel Garden who saw the flower bloomed. Or at least the first. 

One day, he decided to tour the land of Mongolia, where people hunt for a living. He wanted to experience something exciting, crazy, almost going back to his high school days. Jumping on the first flight available, packing in his backpack only three tees, two cargo shorts and five worn out briefs. He couldn't risk losing his expensive silk-made ones. Also, leaving out his comb cause there's no plans of bringing Noelle along. Noelle is his faithful, three-year-old DSLR. . He reached the airport in an hour and his eyes were caught on a kid sucking on a lollipop. He stopped and continued staring at the kid. They both met eyes to eyes, she paused for a moment and walked towards him. She reached out and offered him her lollipop. 

He didn't know what to do. He wanted it so badly because he hadn't had a lollipop for almost half a decade since his wife left him. But he felt awful at the same time, that lollipop didn't belong to him. Perhaps, he would have taken it if he had never witnessed the pink flower blossomed.. 

I Don't Know

There are times I wish I was just deaf, blind, dumb, senseless and heartless. That the strong exterior that most people buy is the true skin that wraps my delicate flesh and nerves and everything else that lives in me. Yes I admit that I wear a mask in front of certain people. And perhaps I should wear a few extra masks when dealing with some. Sometimes, the harsh words that we say only comes back to hurt ourselves, and that makes it hurt way more than we can imagine. It hurts so badly that we just wanna escape that stupid thing that's causing all these miseries. And that's us, our very own selves. We are who we choose to be, we are how we choose to feel, we are what we choose to react upon. I cannot blame anyone but myself. Maybe this is pure bullshit. The world is not turning into robots but more like retarded beings. Those who care for the people continue to get stepped on and shoved to a corner for the menial tasks, those assholic ones handles the majestic role of ordering people around and non-stop manipulation in their every word. I cannot, I cannot handle crap like this. Not anymore. I have been on both ends of the stories and it sucks big time. Then again, maybe this is lethargy, maybe this is selfishness, maybe this is ignorance. I shall take a breather and reconcile things, my thoughts and whatnot tomorrow. As usual, time transitioned so fast we're coming to the middle of the year. I love the things that I do right now, challenges I have never expected. I wish I am stronger. 

Cannonball

He picked up his phone from the ground after dropping it a couple of times through his clumsy fingers and held it to his ear anxiously, hoping that the person on the other side of the line is still holding on to the odd call at three in the morning. He usually goes to bed at eleven but something about that night kept him awake till three. Maybe it's the nap he had in the evening? Maybe it's the four shots of espresso? Maybe.. it is..

"Hell...lo?", the other person replied, cleansing her throat a little at the end. He stoned for a sec. That voice, it sounded familiar but not the first voice he'd expected to hear at such hour. He wouldn't be surprised if it was his wasted brother who goes down to the town bar every Friday Night to meet up with a bunch of losers he calls his buddies. It was a girl this time, and it was her.

"Hi.. Is everything okay?"

"Nothing, it's just.. tonight, something's making me do this. I.. I swear, honestly didn't want to.. Something, something is urging me to dial your number."

A good five and a half seconds of awkward silence passed as if time paused for a breather.

She felt an increasingly burdening load piling on her chest. All she wanted to do was to end the call and scream to the top of her lungs with her head buried tightly under her pillow so as to not disturb her parents and her neighbours. She continued waiting for another good two minutes. Both of them.

And it extended for another five years.