Lithe dancers

Another girl sitting at the bar, her motionless back facing the entrance; to rid any possibility of bumping into a familiar face. She had sat on the same spot with an empty, now all-warmed up glass in her little palms for about three hours now. Her stare was so intense and fixated onto the dark amber liquid of a particular bottle of expensive Japanese whiskey sitting notably like a prized jewel in the cabinet behind where Jacob, the bartender was standing all night.

Jacob who was busy interacting with and serving his customers is now curious. He has never seen this girl in town and from the way she looked plus the fact that she hasn't spoken a word in English, she must be Russian. Or mute, possibly. Working at the bar for five years now, Jacob has come to peace in letting troubled faces slip by him nightly. He has learned the hard way that there is only so much he can do to help. "This girl, is just another troubled soul," he convinced himself for the seventh time since she sat there.

Both the hands of the clock are now parallel at the number '2'. She looked slightly disappointed at the sight of it. Perhaps she was abandoned by her date. And now she has passed her bed time and becoming grumpy. Maybe she's just pitiful to have no friends to hang out with. Slowly, she stood up, leaned against the bar table and left quietly, like she was never there. When Jacob walked over to keep her glass, he saw a note underneath it. His eyes watered when he read the note. He stared blankly towards the direction of the exit for about a minute thereafter before resuming his duties.

My love, leave yourself behind

Beat inside me, leave you blind

My love, you have found peace

You were searching for relief

My Love - Sia

Delicate Fluff (not so)

As a child, learning new things used to be fun, exciting and rewarding. As we grow up, we are very much more selective in the things that we consume, listen to and surround ourselves with. We become skeptical with so many things. Being overload with information most of the time could be one of the main reasons to that. Worst of all, unreliable information we overheard and picked up from the atmosphere. It is as if this world, this life, this air that we are breathing is unrecognisable; thick, smoke-like, blurring our vision to what's in front of our eyes. I hate to say that it can get really tiring trying to reach out to a person's heart across the thick barrier that they have built upon our first salutation. Perhaps I am one of such character as well, in order to tell one. It's a shame that the strangers-friends-acquaintances-strangers cycle is an inevitable ride some relationships partake but I guess at certain points, the right ones hopefully, a change of air, a much needed breather, a break, a reset-button miracle could set things in place again and we could then, restart. Restart: one word I have come across many times recently. It talks about how restarting isn't a bad thing, it's not laborious, time-consuming nor unnecessary. Instead, we should feel honoured to be endowed with the privilege to do so. For me, this year has been a great year of restarting, for real. One solid, ground-breaking culmination of a seed so hungry for a better state and living condition and just yearning to grow up and out of the quicksand it was constantly sowed in. Now, slowly but surely, its strong roots are growing deep into the earth, leaving its footprints subtly but more importantly, a provider of reliable support systems for the generations to come and branches reaching high into the sky, a living evidence for the other seedlings to look forward to a journey filled with mystery and happiness so abundantly given all they have to do is to extend their peripheries and receive. Love, as complicated and intangible a subject as it may seem, is not something we need to ask for. This simple truth, fundamental yet hardly understood by many. The important things in life, there aren't many. Lose a couple of them for long enough and you will end up with scar tissues that numb you from within. Hence, we ought to be graceful in every extension of ourselves. It's okay to try and fail, and keep trying. #rambles

Sometimes I wish we could be strangers

So I didn't have to know your pain

But if I kept myself from danger

This emptiness would feel the same

No Angel - Birdy   

Bread of Life

In seeking for a relationship of pure, unconditional and selfless love, we often overlook the one person who has always been there with us through ups and downs. Despite being rejected time and time again, He still persists and patiently waits for us until the day comes where we surrender and acknowledge His presence and love for us. It's sometimes ironic how we long for a love so perfect and fulfilling yet when we have finally stumbled upon one, we think that it is too perfect to be true. We contradict ourselves. I do, countless of times. I am fortunate beyond words for all I have experienced and for who I am today, all the glory goes to Him, my one and only Saviour and Lord.

I occasionally am caught by surprise by the things I wantonly say to others. I know it wasn't me but it was the projection of something greater, wiser and more divine. Yesterday, men's selfishness got to me. Yes, men are generally selfish for survival sake but in certain cases, it is the abundantly rich being the more insecure and fearful ones. It may be true that when you acquire something in excess or beyond need, you lose balance of the other possessions as more attention is now vested into your newly found 'fortune'. So you lose time for yourself, your favourite pass time activity, relationships or career. From the sense of losing control and balance, insecurity creeps up and you acquire that survival instinct to prioritise yourself above everything and everyone else. Hence, selfish acts result. Now what do you do when someone is acting selfishly. You treat their insecurities, you give them comfort, piece of mind, hope, trust and companionship. For every action from hope will selflessly extend itself into the universe. 

Our deepest fear is not losing all of our money and possessions, but of being alone and living a life of loneliness. When time gets tough, let us not drift away from our loved ones for the fear of troubling them and adding on to their burden. Instead, stay closer to them, pray that you acquire the strength or wisdom needed and work it through together. That way the perfect relationship with the strongest roots of foundation will grow and  flourish through scorching hot sunlight, drought, flood or the craziest sandstorm. 

We just got to believe it .

I sat and dreamed at the foot of your bed

You split my skull and reached inside my head

And pulled out the pictures I'd been wishing I'd forget

And you stitched me up then

And wiped the blood from off my chin

Glory - Radical Face