Bread of Life

In seeking for a relationship of pure, unconditional and selfless love, we often overlook the one person who has always been there with us through ups and downs. Despite being rejected time and time again, He still persists and patiently waits for us until the day comes where we surrender and acknowledge His presence and love for us. It's sometimes ironic how we long for a love so perfect and fulfilling yet when we have finally stumbled upon one, we think that it is too perfect to be true. We contradict ourselves. I do, countless of times. I am fortunate beyond words for all I have experienced and for who I am today, all the glory goes to Him, my one and only Saviour and Lord.

I occasionally am caught by surprise by the things I wantonly say to others. I know it wasn't me but it was the projection of something greater, wiser and more divine. Yesterday, men's selfishness got to me. Yes, men are generally selfish for survival sake but in certain cases, it is the abundantly rich being the more insecure and fearful ones. It may be true that when you acquire something in excess or beyond need, you lose balance of the other possessions as more attention is now vested into your newly found 'fortune'. So you lose time for yourself, your favourite pass time activity, relationships or career. From the sense of losing control and balance, insecurity creeps up and you acquire that survival instinct to prioritise yourself above everything and everyone else. Hence, selfish acts result. Now what do you do when someone is acting selfishly. You treat their insecurities, you give them comfort, piece of mind, hope, trust and companionship. For every action from hope will selflessly extend itself into the universe. 

Our deepest fear is not losing all of our money and possessions, but of being alone and living a life of loneliness. When time gets tough, let us not drift away from our loved ones for the fear of troubling them and adding on to their burden. Instead, stay closer to them, pray that you acquire the strength or wisdom needed and work it through together. That way the perfect relationship with the strongest roots of foundation will grow and  flourish through scorching hot sunlight, drought, flood or the craziest sandstorm. 

We just got to believe it .

I sat and dreamed at the foot of your bed

You split my skull and reached inside my head

And pulled out the pictures I'd been wishing I'd forget

And you stitched me up then

And wiped the blood from off my chin

Glory - Radical Face

Mystery Ride

A wanton decision. A week of planning. Two countries. Eleven days of adventure. 

Being away, or rather getting away can be therapeutic especially when you have been cemented on one spot and wrapped up in the same bubble for too long. You stop growing, mentally and spiritually. All of your energy, attention and time are channeled into that one matter you commit yourself to. Instead of being swamped by sheer clarity and conviction, your sight is clouded with more questions and possibilities. The urge to seek and unravel your true potential. 

A getaway was all I needed. 

I thought it would be beneficial or even enlightening to breathe a different air, to see the unusual and to live the unconventional. As the saying goes, we only realise the absence of and appreciate what we have once they're lost, don't we. Now that there isn't a particular pressure source and assigned mission, I am like a kite in the air, swaying freely but in no ways, in the invisible path that is proudly my own. Then again, I believe it is not an entirely negative notion. Like the water, it is flexible, ever changing yet changeless, adopting the shape of any container, brook or cranny. One of the many things I need to learn and inherent. 

A humbling and challenging experience it was. 

Throughout the trip, I am constantly reminded of how grateful I am for being blessed with all I have. Beyond that, I truly care about these people. Despite the furiosity at certain times when I was treated undeservingly, I try to understand how difficult it must be to start from scratch after the crude Pol Pot regime era and also the typhoon. Some of them are still trying hard to locate their families and many children are without parents. The advancing tourism sector mostly benefits people with close proximity to touristic spots and protected buildings hence, the income distribution widely differs across different status depending on their skills and occupation. I truly admire their determination and perseverance. 

There is so much to say but mostly feelings that I wish more people would acquire when they visit the country themselves. It was more than a getaway that I desired, it was a life lesson and beautiful discovery. 

A Summer's Dance

How do I feel?

The simplest yet one of the most difficult questions to answer. Often times, our minds are just too bogged down with the latest news around the globe, the biggest hoo-haa in the university, Whatsapp messages flooding your mobile phone's screen constantly, emailed to be replied within 48 hours, assignment deadlines to meet, house errands to check off, important dates to remember, and the list could go on as long as we live in this 'connected' world.

It has been a good ten months that my priorities were consciously shoved away from myself and heavily concentrated on the duties and responsibilities that I uphold. Sometimes, it goes unexpectedly beyond my job descriptions. Then again, there was no clear cut job descriptions when I signed up to begin with. The best part of all, unleashing various sides of myself that I never knew existed. Perhaps deep down, I am this adventurous dare devil who knows no consequences, where "living in the moment" is my life principle. It goes without saying that giving will always be a significant part of me, whichever form of living I end up as. Not because I wish to avoid facing my own predicaments, but because I have experienced such bitterness that I wish no one would go through the same. But that would be senseless cause then they wouldn't be able to seek the clarity and understanding that I did.

Why do we run from pain?

I don't run, I just wait for it to reach me eventually. Hmm anyways, I think I have quite a high tolerance for physical pain. Emotionally, it was quite an experience itself. The thing about humans is that we run, we flee without knowing exactly what it is that we are fleeing from. We notice a dark figure passing at the corner of our eye and we conclude it to be a spirit and scare the shit out of ourselves. We see a cockroach and scream for our lives like it is about to swallow us whole. The truth is, we are not brought up in a societal system that teaches us nothing but the crudest, blackest, darkest and most obnoxious. We have a choice, to live wearing our own comfy pair of flats or bleed in stilettos just to fit in. Some may ask, why even bother covering your feet? Generalising here, I think those are the kind who think they are the author of everyone's lives or just blind hipsters wannabe. The thing is, we just got to let go a little sometimes.

What is next?

A new quest. New country. New people. New experience. New cultures. New ideologies. New excitement. New knowledge. New skills. Same me, just reinventing for the better. It would be a super amazing one. I do not know what's been planned for me or what opportunities I will jump on to tomorrow but I am sure that I would not regret these decisions I make. That I am learning to live alongside uncertainties.

This is the start of a summer's dance. :)

Stomping The Phantom Brake Pedal

Howdy. Today was indeed a great day. You do things you feel like doing, don't have to overthink anything. You just let the vibrant youthful energy fills you to the brim and without realising, you're smiling with no purpose. Your feet start dancing to the rhythm of the wind. Isn't it beautiful, just laying down on the grassy carpet, staring to the night sky and letting your thoughts take whatever images that come and make a beautiful virtual scrapbook in your head. I've always liked the sky. It gives me comfort every time I needed a lil' peace of mind. It's like there is someone out there who is constantly looking out for me. I know I could trust him, I know he's always thinking of me like how I think of him, I know he'll wish for the best for me in whatever I do. I loved him then, I love him now and I'll continue loving him. "Because after all, you never really stopped loving someone." The best part of all, we do not even have to be in the same time dimension. Cause we believe that distance and time are not normal beings' issues. The only thing that matters are the characters who are acting out the play - us.

"You can do whatever you want that makes you happy," she said. "Because you are a big man now. Nobody can stop you. But please know by heart that, this is your story. You decide what you want to tell your children, your grandchildren next time and how you want them to perceive you as a person. It still holds true that nobody is perfect but everybody has a living conscience. You do not just let them go to waste. If it was not good that you've done, then it must be the other way round. The world is always in equilibrium and so are you. What you think is true now might not be in the next couple of days. In times of struggle, just say those words. Whatever word that eases the aching network of tissues even if it is a name you have been trying to forget for years. Anything, my love."

Good night and good day! :)

Take me as your servant

Take me as your weapon

Take me as your courage

Sugar & Honey

Happy November! Two more months and it's gonna be the end of this very memorable year. For some reasons, I'm just looking forward to celebrating Christmas and New Year. I like the feeling of being around family and friends. And it's not easy to have everybody gather together any more with so many commitments on our plates as we grow up. And it's nice to see the crowd grow bigger too with cousins bringing along their special someones for dinner. Okay, how did I even get into this topic. And I'm lost for words again.

Gonna rest early for tomorrow I'll be going for my pharmacy placement in Kajang. Hope to have a great time. Just wanna say that no matter how bad things get, there will always be a brighter day ahead. And it feels so good sharing with someone who is just like you. Hope to stay back more often and have dinner or just sit and talk all night like we used to, seriously. Me not driving is indeed quite troublesome as I have to be dependent on others and I feel bad having to say goodbye so soon every single time to them.

Most of the time, I don't do what I wanted to because I am afraid of changes and disappointments. I can survive better being thrown into the sea without warnings but it is extremely difficult for me to jump into a lake voluntarily. I am aware of who I am and what I want to become. And I really hope I have enough will power and courage to do this, for myself. I have to stop thinking and doing so much for others unnecessarily. Like Zee said, "Overdoing anything is bad." I truly appreciate the people who cares so much for me, I don't even know if I deserve this. They are the ones who made uni life so vibrant and joyful. A bunch of different personalities from different corners of the country sitting together, eating, laughing, teasing, gossiping, cracking jokes, reminiscing awkward incidents. Like that day, Sarah did my 'Catwoman' make-up for Halloween. She's just awesome I must say. And Jillian too, she offered me her cat ears when she heard about the event I'm attending. God, thank you. :)

Great weekend, amigos. Find fun in miserable times and you'll never live another day of mud face. XD

You're the reason behind those smiles.

Howdy amigos. What better ways to welcome the weekend than doing something meaningful away from your thick heavy books and stressful timetable. Went for can-washing yesterday right after lecture with the whole gang from the class. Although it was raining, nobody complained but worked so diligently trying to get the work done as swiftly as possible. It's such an amazing feeling to obtain such contentment from doing something as simple as washing cans with your fellow friends in the cold drizzle. After that, attended a super last minute potluck party at the twin's apartment. Though we had simple, not-so-fancy food and take-away's but everybody enjoyed with endless joy in the company of awesome people. Playing Mafia was probably the biggest mistake for some of them especially Jordan. Haha face problem betul the whole night.

Today, woke up earlier than usual for the Educating children in Rural Areas (E.RA) Project in Pahang. It was an initiative by one of the groups in LEAD Programme in collaboration with the Reading Bus organisation. I've always wanted to do this, going to the rural areas, reaching out in whatever ways I could to help the aborigines. As you would've imagined it to be, twas a dismal sight with shortages in so many aspects. The first thing I saw when I stepped out of the four-wheel-drive was a pair of miniature slippers on the uneven yellow soil. I broke into a crooked smile before entering the hall where the children were. There were about 50 to 60 of them and they looked so innocent and ignorant of the lives they have yet to know exist if they would only reach their hands out to it. Or if they only knew it existed. It's 'heavy' to imagine myself being in their shoes and imagine not being who I am and where I am right now.

So we started off with a short ice-breaker. Then, it was free reading session. The kids were allowed to come up to the shelf and pick whatever books they like. You can clearly see there was a relatively big gap between the ones who are able to follow and the younger ones who are merely pushed by the current. Next, we distributed the new books on 'Bugs' and narrated it to them and they repeated after us. I never taught I would ever had the chance to do this, seriously. I went around trying to converse with them but obviously, their strength is in the Malay language. So I took a different approach and we did manage to understand each other. I saw their smiles when I high-fived them. Irreplaceable. And Pastor Charlie was really awesome in teaching the kids and getting them to be responsive and interactive. He shared a little about himself in the car, he's been doing this for 30 years now. It's just amazing.

It's been a really eye-opening experience. What I've realised and share would never be the same if you do not live it yourself for real. One thing for sure is that, if we have never seen something, we wouldn't have the desire for it. If you do not open yourself to the crazy amount of opportunities out there, you wouldn't know what suits you best or in the first place, what you would even have to ponder upon. It's pointless to be afraid, all you have to keep in mind is the precautions in case things go bad, which should be nothing surprising. I appreciate the love and care from everyone around me and I love you too very much.

Keep trying unless you're completely paralysed! Good day. :D

Five peas for peace.

It's been an enjoyable week. Getting busier with classes and hanging out with AIESECers whenever there's break. I wish I joined AIESEC earlier though 'cause there's just so much to discover and so many inspiring people with priceless stories to be heard from. Now I get how these people bond together so closely in such short period of time. It is because they shared the same feelings and went through the same intensity of transformation that made them feel like they have grown to become better people with each other's support.

This past few days, I've come to realise that time is really not a factor in determining how well you know a person. You can know a person for a day and feel like you've known him or her for years because you share so much in common with them. It makes you feel like there's finally someone whom you don't have to explain every bit of yourself to. I believe I've found a really important friend, mentor and companion who may or may not stay around in my life for a long time. Nevertheless, it's been a great pleasure knowing him and hopefully no peas or ducks are harmed during the process. LOL.

I guess things are pretty much back to normal now. Went out for dinner together with family and grandparents today for the first time after the incident. The lil' one is officially free from whatever food-restraining order by the queen. It's just great, to be with the people you love and care the most and enjoy awesome food. Have a joy-filled and wonderfully blessed week ahead, amigos. It's beautiful if you just see it with the right mind. Peace, love and understanding y'll. :)

This is rare. I'm actually excited that it's Monday tomorrow and I have to go to uni! :D

Only you could see

The emptiness I feel

When you're with me

Only You - Ellie Goulding

Halcyon!!! :)

What's next?

Howdy folks. It has been one of the craziest week so far for me. I've never felt so occupied, so highly on demand and appreciated for a very long time. Indeed the decision to join AIESEC and the LLDS was one never to be regretted. Honestly, I didn't know what to expect at all from it. All I wanted to do was to occupy my free time with something hopefully beneficial and exciting. I didn't know anyone there but Jana and Sam but they're in the OC so they're kinda busy with  their responsibilities. I got into the bus and sat alone by the window and watched unfamiliar faces appear from the door one by one. Finally, the head count was done and the journey to Gohtong Jaya began. My plan to take a nap was disrupted when Kairat came to sit beside me. At one glance, you'll think that he's Korean. I was wrong, he's from Kyrgyzstan and he reminds me of Jia. :). We talked about many random things including politics. LOL. And he thought me his language. Privet!

We didn't take long to set our luggages aside and begin the game session. It was really fun and definitely got us hyped up for the following sessions. Next, we had a look at our accommodation for that two nights and I was in the room of six together with Xue Ying, Rachel, Renny, Yi Jing and Sam. Without wasting much time, we continued with the sessions at the activity room where we were introduced to the fellow facilitators, organising committees and executive board. Then, we had the ice breaking game which unconsciously brought us into our own groups of eight. I am glad to be in my group, F.S.B which stands for faster, better, stronger. Love our roll call :D. Fast forward to dinner and the Dream session. For certain reasons, things happen and that night, I knew for sure that I was not alone. Christina had been the nicest, most caring and encouraging person towards me throughout the entire programme. Knowing her is a privilege of a lifetime.

So we called it a night after Adrian and Jana left our room and I woke up at 5am, went down wandering in the cold dark dusk. My legs brought me to a swimming pool and I laid there watching the twinkling stars gradually disappear as the morning sunshine greets us with warmth. During breakfast, I got a cup of milo and Chipsmore from my guardian angel. What a great feeling to start your day with :). Everybody's doing the sweetest thing they could for their mortals from writing flowery notes, preparing breakfast for them to sending them massage services, it was such a beautiful concept I think. If only we all do this in real life. We'll only be happily broke, I don't mind. More exciting activities. I love the Paper Factory game the most. Like I said, everything happens for a reason. I was welcomed into Jia En's group where the funny people were. I really had fun bargaining with the tree-selling fella, making deals with other groups(thanks to MapleStory, lol), persuading the 'Mexican dude' and seeing Jin close a deal with the 'client'. So professional. Seeing that kinda hit me a little inside, I don't know why. And during Talentime, they all knew what happened. Yea some lady with weird accent won the talent show. Haha.

The second night was a long one. Everybody was writing sugar cubes till late night. I wrote till 4.30am and I slept off at the sofa outside. I got more biscuits from my guardian angel. I kinda suspected it must be from one of the EB cause he didn't give me any note. Thanks, Zee. Towards the end, we took loads and loads of photos and we had a sharing session. For me, these people really inspired me in many different ways; Christina, Elwin, Jin and Jet. Thank you. It has been a deeply memorable and amazing experience for me. The things I gained is just priceless. The people I've met are a gift from god. And the most beautiful part is, this is just the beginning. By that, the month of September was concluded and I started degree. Happy day every day, amigos! :D 

You sing, I'm killed, I'm just not the same

As I was a year ago and each minute since then

My jumper tears as we take it off

You say you'll sew me good as new and I know you will

Set Down Your Glass - Snow Patrol

Halcyon

First day of orientation. I thought it was super duper boring. Maybe I was too tired that I slept off during the briefing. I honestly didn't mean it as I wouldn't like it too if people were to fall asleep when I'm speaking. And I was sitting beside a senior who's busy with her iPad. Anyways, it's great seeing all those familiar faces again. Some of them changed their appearance a little, getting prettier and more ladylike. I enjoyed and really appreciate those who actually came up and said hi to me and we had a lil' chat. It's sad to see some who perhaps are comfortable enough staying within their own clique so they actually gave that I-didn't-see-you-there look and turned away when I looked directly at them and threw a couple of smiles. I felt like I was an alien with huge external eyeballs or something. So weird. The lecturers looked quite intimidating though, and there's darn many rules to abide to. It's gonna be awesome.

We all know that anything could happen, we just don't think about it that often. Hence, do what you think is important to you. Don't waste time on people who don't appreciate and love you back. Open up your heart and allow the right people in. It's okay if intruders get in cause one day, they'll come to realise that they don't have a nest to take cover it when the cold harsh wind or the hot blazing fire comes washing the don't-matters away. "It's not what you've lost but what you find."

Often I lie wide awake, think of things

I can make but I don't seem to have

The parts to build them

Human - Ellie Goulding

Saturday Love

Love the sight, sound, feel (and smell?) of a lively bunch of overgrown kids having pure joyful moments. Teasing, pranking and making a fool of one another is a norm, more like a habit. No one is left out. Everybody gets to be at both ends of it. Sounds like fun eh? It is, always is. Yeah, you can say that it's not the same like it used to be. The ride in the car, the queue at the restaurant, the walk to the park, the position you stand in a photograph, the reason you smile, the food you enjoy together and whatnot. What is anyway. As long as those same familiar faces are still the ones that carve fond sweet memories in your heart. It's part of growing up; you take what you need and turn the rest into an admirable piece of art. A day well spent it was. May everyone be blessed and loved always especially you, my friend. Nights. :D

The first ever mother-daughter collaboration, colour-worded, illustrated novel from JD. :)

You and I know what love is. Love is you and me. :)

24

It's so late, I'm so sleepy, kinda hungry too. But I don't want to sleep yet. Yesterday, I had less than three hours of sleep. Seriously felt like zombie and my head went haywire. I hear things differently, I can't walk properly and I think of so many weird stuffs. It's been a while since I last stayed up late chatting. And we ended up crying and laughing all at the same time last night. I don't know why, something just hit me and I realised that some things have not changed. I don't know if I should be glad or whatever because I'm not the type who likes changes but certain things, it may become harmful if it stays the same for a long time. Like today, I found a heavily-moulded sandwich in the locker I could puke just imagining it in my mind right now.

I never was a deep-thinking person. I never was a bright student. I never was a nice person. I am by far the most average girl people will never notice even if it's just twenty heads in the crowd. I grew up with three brothers, got bullied every single day till my tear glands got numb, learned martial arts in a boy's school, grew up watching only cartoons, went late to kindergarten once because mom had to remove the red permanent marker ink I used to 'polish' my nails, got chewing gum stuck in my hair and kept quiet about it, sneaked into the principal's office to use her toilet cause the school's one stinks, vomited out roti canai while sparing in taekwondo, haha that was funny, accidentally kicked a guy in his groin and did not feel bad, saw flashers three times in my life, did not shower for five days straight in a camp in Langkawi, stole a bracelet charm from a shop before, told tonnes of lies, slapped my friend in primary school, called people horrible names, killed too many lives, caused disappointment to my parents, embarrassed myself and my family and a whole lot more.

We all have our pasts. We are always judged based on them because it's the only thing certain about a person. You can make a thousand promises or say the sweetest stanza but it doesn't make a difference unless you prove it true. But one thing I hope, that I'm still a good listener.

Cutting kidneys tomorrow! *excited* :)

Just weird

Just deleted a whole pile of crap I typed.

So.. It's just weird kay. If you ever find yourself in something so darn weird and you end up going deeper into it, just look at the brighter side and give it a shot. Lol, what an advice. I am scared as hell. I am really really scared as hell. If I screw this up, I might not come out of the water again. I am gonna live like that yellow sponge you see on tv under the sea forever..

Good day.

This Is Your Life - Switchfoot

Secrets

You know the moments you get lost in your own dreams. You thought you knew what you wanted, where you're headed to and how much sacrifices you need to put up to. But, when you are actually working towards it, everything just seems unreal. You look at the people around you, doing different things than they planned to. Suddenly you start to feel lost and just really confused. It's not just education but life entirely.

It was easier back then when I was a kid. Every time I had a little problem, I'll just ask mum and she'll give me the most satisfactory answer. As time passes, questions in my head are getting harder to put into words. So I don't bother asking most of the time. Sometimes, it doesn't even make sense. Like, you ask why do people create stories to 'make things simpler' and THEY will make something up. The person you want to be, the good person, is not what you are going to end up being. Some day, somehow, you are going to break someone's heart so badly but you are going to say sorry and the rest is up to Him.

If I were eight again, I will not tie my then super-long-hair up so neatly all the time. I will swim and run and kick so much more than I did. I will wear super fancy and pink dresses and shoes, maybe. Standard six was a good year too. All the extra classes for UPSR were so much fun and we took lots of photos with teachers especially our favourite ones. I didn't really have a guy friend until form one and we only talked online haha. Every morning was a sprint I didn't want to end. I like that heart beating super fast moments waiting for the gun to fire and I did not want to finish the race.

Take You Higher - Goodwill & Hook N Sling

Jared and Jamie

I have done one of the worst things on earth. I wasn't the most understanding, caring and loving person. And it will haunt me as long as I breathe. Maybe it's a good reminder for me, to not repeat the same mistake. There was a leap that I had to do and I failed. I failed because I was just not ready. Then again, some things are just not meant to be. Jumping was never my strength. Maybe I should do something which suits me better, swimming; always in the same medium and if you fall, you'll always be afloat by some magic power those people love to call 'buoyancy'. 

By the way, I'm really starting to not like shopping. There are things I wish to buy but the people, oh can they get any crazier. I don't like body contact, seriously don't. That's all. 

Not excited for school cause English presentation is back. Haha spontaneity is the key to success, isn't it :). Goodnight amigos. Next time, if I have a twin, I'll name them the above title. 8D

Peas

Just when you thought you've completely left those stuffs behind you and finally making your very first valiant move forward, those evil tendrils curl around your ankle so tight it bleeds and leave you helpless like a wingless butterfly. It always happen, doesn't it. But yea, I can do this. I am no ordinary person.

Don't Let Me Go - The Click Five

I feel blessed

I think I'm missing those two fellas already :).

God, I'm smiling. I'm smiling that life has been simple yet so full of contentment in it's sheer simplicity. I could really live a life like this for the rest of my life, only a place far from the city's clouds. I think I know what I want to do but there are certain things that I need to prepare myself with in case the plan backfires and I would need to take on extra roles. Yeah, superwoman.

THE day is nearing, I don't feel the excitement at all. It's actually kind of dreadful. I only wish that that day could be like every other day, me doing normal stuffs, drinking and eating normal every day food, talking about normal stuffs, sms at a normal rate, dress up in normal house clothes. Yea, stuffs like that. I hate it when you intentionally plan up special stuffs on special occasions and things end up the other way round and for the rest of the coming few years, you'll be reminded of it on that supposedly-special day. Justsaying.

Anyways, it's my brother's birthday too and it's Christmas's eve! :D. I'm very excited for Christmas and the New Year's Eve. This year we'll be counting down in Johore and the new year will be a double celebration. Awesome day to have your wedding no? ♥. 

Happy Bola-bola festival. I just put on 1.5kg having dinner in grand's place. Seriously heaven. 

I love you

I love you so much

I feel like ripping out your heart

And keep it in my pocket close to mine

So random :P

Juvenile

I missed the 'Happy December' post. Well, it's not too late to wish Happy December now, is it?

I have been busy lately. Nope, not exactly busy studying but busy having a good time. Really. I've been staying back in college till late night, "studying" for exam. How come I never knew this people from the beginning of the semester. But it's not too late, we still have another semester to go. =)

Sometimes, you wished something never happened because you wished you never had the scar. You wished you never cycled a bicycle and fell to the hard, rough tar road when you were young. You wished you never learnt to swim and almost got drown. You wished growing up wouldn't be so painful. You wished taking advices from your parents would be the easiest thing to do as a teenager. It's ugly and whenever people ask, you had to tell a lie by saying it's nothing. But sooner or later, it wouldn't be a lie anymore. And that's when you start to see beautiful things and smile every minute without needing a reason.

I'm learning every day. And I've always known that books and good grades are not everything. My parents, I love it that they don't order me what to do and they're so so understanding. The least you can do is not raise your voice at them. It's okay if you fall and stumble down the slope all bruised, as long as you've tried your best, they will always welcome you in their warm loving arms. They are the only ones you've got when everything is gone.

Two more papers to go. Then, early Christmas party and Malacca trip with the gangs. CAN'T WAIT. Have a great life, amigos.

Explosions

Happy Deepavali. Diwali vathukal. Happy Lights Day. Today was great. I had three rounds of mutton, muruku, idli, putu mayam and lots of yummy yummy cookies. This is one of the reason why I love being a Malaysian. It's amazing how people from all sorts of backgrounds and have entirely different stories themselves could come together and have a good meal under one roof. We visited one of dad's close friend in Puchong, like every other years. Come to think of it, it has been more than ten years I've been going there for Deepavali. Aunty Indra cooks the best mutton rendang in the world, seriously. The BEST. They are not wealthy people, they're just as ordinary as you and I are but, I think they are one of the most successful people I've ever come across with. Their pictures came out in the Star a couple of days ago and many other newspapers before and even Astro. It is their hardwork and perseverance that makes people look up to them. Sometimes, it is the disability that makes people so strong and courageous in chasing after their dreams. If only we don't need to lose something to gain something. 

Homework. The most dreadful word right now for me. And group work, there's nothing more to say. Bad timing is just it. Everyone's holidaying and seriously just lost the mood entirely. Scary. I'm like freaking out already cause holiday's passing by so soon and I don't wanna have to pack to go back there :(. Yesterday, I slept at 3am, doing irrelevant things; thinking of stuffs, smiling to myself, download loads of random songs. This is how I always waste precious time away so easily. Just now was funny, I had like three group discussions going on on Fb simultaneously and suddenly, on the water rocket side, Lina said, out of frustration, "Why must health science students make water rockets?" and Kam answered, "Cause one day we'll have to shift to outerspace when the earth is doomed and they need pharmacist there too." LMAO. Alright, sweet dreams amigos. Chao.

Fuzzy, just like my mind.

Revelry - Kings of Leon

See You Soon

I'm addicted to their songs. Well, my soul is for sure. I watch Grey's Anatomy and One Tree Hill because of the background songs they play. It suits the mood so well in a weather like this. Everything is just perfect, just lack of a cup of hot-brewed caffeine to keep the eyes wide apart so to enjoy the night a lil' longer. Mmm maybe not tonight, the headache since this afternoon is overpowering me I swear I could fall unconscious anytime while sitting down. This week, I wasn't entirely conscious of what I was doing. Perhaps the assessment, projects and assignments thrown onto us for this week and the coming holiday season had taken up most of my brain's capacity. Our English group got reshuffled again and for every subject, I'm with different groups of people, it's so confusing at times. And it's troublesome, very. Everybody's going back to their hometowns in every single directions, now we're supposed to have discussions over Facebook, which is like so impossible cause we get distracted so easily and really, how is work going to be done with only your fingers moving.

For Physics, we have to make a water rocket each and after the holiday, we'll meet up, test and choose the best rocket to be used on the launch day. Math assignment and project which is more like an exercise on how to use the Microsoft Excel, Chem assignment: gotta make a video on Invisible Ink and lots of other homework. This course is like this, we've got used to it and really, we're all really pushing ourselves like never before. Tomorrow, my class is the only class who doesn't have class cause we requested for our classes to be brought forward. Hallelujah, we get to enjoy the comfort of home sweet home one day earlier. It's nice to be home, it's your real home after all. Somehow, I think, people will still go back from where they come from no matter how far and how long they've been away. Similarly, you will always go back to the people you feel most at home with despite how distant you are physically and how many acquaintances you've met along the journey.

Today is the 100th day since he'd passed on. Every now and then I will try to remind myself all over again about stuffs. And really, it's necessary as we always tend to forget things and underestimate well, life itself. I learn to accept bitter truths, I learn to step over unpleasant thoughts without making judgemental conclusions, I learn to not take too personally the problems I hear cause sometimes I get really emotional about other people's problem, I learn to accept huge differences in others and most importantly, I learn to distinguish people who loves me. Just the other day, my friend and I, we weren't that close and we actually talked for almost three hours. I'm a natural listener, well, it's the least I could do.

Accident

Accident occurs in many forms. Some hurts physically, some hurts emotionally or both but the point is, it leaves a sensation relating to pain somewhere along the process. Today, I wished I had stepped on the brake hard enough, soon enough. I hate this, I hate him having to negotiate with that idiot and at the end, screamed at him out of frustration, mostly caused by me and because he was just so..idiotic. It was such a silly mistake that I can one hundred percent avoid if I were attentive enough, good enough.

It's not gonna bring me down, I kept telling myself. People learn from mistakes, they grow out of pain eventually. But, for me, it's hard. I take things very personally and very seriously at times. She understands and every time things like this happen, she'll be the one lifting up my spirit, lighting up the dying fire in me once more. Well, it isn't too difficult though. All I need is some tissues and then, something nice to indulge in.

Mum and dad had to attend a wedding dinner today. The lil' one and I got into the mood of mischief and experimental, like we used to as young kids. We watched random Youtube videos together. We popped our own popcorns, coated them with caramel and watched a Dota movie he's been asking me to watch since last week in the room, air-conditioned, curtains pulled, all cosy and comfortable. It was quite a touching movie but I didn't feel anything cause the characters are too beastly-like? Haha. Feels so good to be doing all this again, it's like I was eight again. I remember we used to drink tea together after dinner. We'll boil a whole kettle of water and drink till our bladder full and we sweated like mad. Good times :).

"It's okay. You're all that matters to us."