Say Something

I've been stalling, wandering around  the same spot for way too long. I know that I need to move to a fresh new spot and start a whole new journey. Well, at least that is what some people who care for me seemed to want for myself. But that isn't what I want at the moment, fortunate or unfortunately. There's nothing I would dare to wish for anymore because wishing only gives you hope. And sometimes, hope brings you nowhere.

I had a conversation with a friend by chance the other day. He said, the answers are in all of us. It is us whom let ourselves into the state of not knowing. We deny ourselves, we disregard the only person we have known all our lives, we choose to put ourselves lower than anything that we seek comfort from. And we choose to let fate decide by tossing the coin. 

If I have to only choose one thing that I learn from my mom on a daily basis, it would be the fact that "It is a gift to be able to give". I didn't quite understand that when I was four. Gradually, mostly from observation of her actions, it became a part of me. I find joy and gratitude for everything I am and have when I am able to give. Frankly, how people react to it sometimes pisses me off. I refused to accept that there are people who use people. How naive. But this very meaningful phrase melts the frustration away every time, you can't give something away if you don't have it. So give others what you choose for yourself. 

Leading Light.

Bygone spring

The interaction we make each day serves as a support system. It may be just a hello and goodbye but the fact that it is some sort of an acknowledgement creates a ripple effect of heartfelt gratitude to the rest of the world. It's amazing how such mechanism works. The vibrations produced from the vocal chord materialised as sound waves and eventually travelling through the nitrogenous-filled fluid medium, reaching out to a number you don't usually keep a mental record of. Or, if virtual, the optical mechanism pathway.

It's not easy being out there, vulnerable to other's flexible reach and conveniently made-up expectations. But the experience is worth it. The crazy things you went through with these bunch of people are things you never ever thought of since before acquaintance and now, you're flipping through immortalised memories of it in the form of photographs. You can't turn back time but memories will stay on for as long as humanity lives on this planet. And when the topic of death is popped, the bitter scent of regrets starts to fill the air. It'll go by.

Above everything that has been communicated, nothing is ever as what it seems like. As we see, feel, hear, taste and smell, we're making mental judgments at the back of our head which at the end of the day, may be entirely deceitful. That's the truth of it all. There's always the possibility of going wrong if we only rely on a sole entity. Hence, connections. Various depths and distances of it. 

Well, that was super random. Good day!

Take time

It's been some time. I often do not know what to type about anymore. It's like as a tiny plant grows into a mature tree, it has lesser and lesser space to breathe. Competition for sunlight, water and oxygen gets tougher day by day. Until there reach a day, you gasp, suffocate and eventually wilt to death. You can be all jolly and giggly in the day but once the sun's hidden behind the dark mysterious silhouette, it's a whole new ecosystem. The rules we play by are different, the nature of the players, the game essentially. Some treat it as one, non-surprisingly. However, of course, there's always the brighter side of it. That's when you look up far into the sky and the moon is shining for you, smiling down at you as if saying, "Child, it's not over yet."

It isn't fair really to judge a person on one occasion. Then again, we do it all the time; being controlled by our volatile emotional self. I guess we get it already that people do not just 'burst' into explosions. It accumulates over time and one not-so-fine day, it erupts. We forgive them anyway. People say hurtful stuffs on social networking sites hoping that the person whom it was directed to will come across it and feel at least a needle poke in them. We forgive them anyway. People take advantage of you thinking that you don't react to situations. We forgive them anyway. People do many things. But we don't forget that easily, cause it leaves an impression. A memorable and lasting one.

Anywho, despite the challenges, I am grateful. To have faced these challenges at this age where strength and passion are still new elements to be explored and conquered. I am grateful to have curious friends who ask and do things with lots of guts. I appreciate people who take the first move and who are not shy in admitting their unconventional needs and wants. I really look up to people who takes in blows after blows and still are able to plant a sweet smile on their face like no one knew about the storm. Definitely not the hypocrite type but rather the super humble and giving type who has patience of a nun.

*Found this in my draft so I'm gonna just post it. If it's worth your time reading on, life's good currently, actually it got way way much better a couple of days ago. Like a huge change of wind. It wasn't easy though. So much sorrow and excruciating pain have been shared among us for years. The change would not be easy, but we're gonna give it a chance and make this the best decision we ever gonna make as a team and most importantly, as a family. Thank you God for making this dream a reality. I wish everyone the same miraculous happenings and beautiful days ahead. Never give up and stay strong. The day you're waiting for may just be tomorrow.