Say Something

I've been stalling, wandering around  the same spot for way too long. I know that I need to move to a fresh new spot and start a whole new journey. Well, at least that is what some people who care for me seemed to want for myself. But that isn't what I want at the moment, fortunate or unfortunately. There's nothing I would dare to wish for anymore because wishing only gives you hope. And sometimes, hope brings you nowhere.

I had a conversation with a friend by chance the other day. He said, the answers are in all of us. It is us whom let ourselves into the state of not knowing. We deny ourselves, we disregard the only person we have known all our lives, we choose to put ourselves lower than anything that we seek comfort from. And we choose to let fate decide by tossing the coin. 

If I have to only choose one thing that I learn from my mom on a daily basis, it would be the fact that "It is a gift to be able to give". I didn't quite understand that when I was four. Gradually, mostly from observation of her actions, it became a part of me. I find joy and gratitude for everything I am and have when I am able to give. Frankly, how people react to it sometimes pisses me off. I refused to accept that there are people who use people. How naive. But this very meaningful phrase melts the frustration away every time, you can't give something away if you don't have it. So give others what you choose for yourself. 

Leading Light.

Shine On

No words could describe it. All the photos and hype is still ongoing on Facebook. And looking at the photos only brings back deep emotions. It's funny how you could connect with so many people in such a short period of time. We came as strangers and parted as family. I guess that says it all. 

Throughout these awesome six golden days, I've learned so much about myself through others, and others through working together as a team. Being transparent about yourself is not an easy thing to do. You need to have immense trust in the people who's listening to it. I'm very glad to say that I did not regret it at all. 'Cause the consequence after that is too overwhelming. I experience tremendous changes immediately in those aspects pointed out and I really really appreciate it and want to do the same for others as well. This is the life-changing experience that I've been hearing for so long. I get it now.

One of the very beautiful and admirable thing about AIESECers is that we all acknowledge our weaknesses and we try to improve ourselves. And we know that the best way to do that is through others. I'm often amazed when I get feedbacks that I would probably never be able to think of. It's like they get what you're going through, what you need, what you want. We're all hungry and foolish people so to say. :)

I'm really thankful to have been to MyLDS 2013, themed Impact Now. I don't know if I've impacted anyone but I really want to thank my dear Chief Delegate, Winnie, my team, Tiger who's a mixture of Malaysians, Egyptian, Chinese, Hong Kong-ian and Paskistani, my group faci, Andy from Taiwan, Hong Kong delegates like Michael and Helen who I met on the first day, Jessy from Madagascar, all OCs, MCs and facis and everybody whom I've communicated with. They've all contributed to my awesome experience I'll never forget. ♥

2-3 hours of sleep a day and still we're so energetic.

Sugarcubes and souvenirs.

 Happy February you beautiful people! :D

Gemini

Got on a crazy huge ship at Penang Island and off we sailed. Away from the structured-landscaped view. Away from people, literally. One of the best travelling experience so far. Thanks to my dear parents for always giving us the best lifetime experience and momentous moments like this. Got the chance to get to the shore of Phuket and Krabi as well by tendering boats, and did some sightseeing at the town. Beautiful people, amazing food, lovely tour guide, great weather, breathtaking sceneries, awesome companies. Twas perfect.

Being 'stranded' in the middle of the deep sea, not having a clue of where you are and what to do if anything were to go wrong, twas just amazing. There's no separation of the sky and the sea. The horizon is endless. You turn around 360 degrees and all you see is the same serene, soothing scenery. But sometimes, a lil' change is needed. I never knew it could be so uplifting to see the mountain-like dark patches appearing above the skyline. That's when I realised, no one could ever live alone.

If you compare yourself in the day and at night, you wouldn't see much of a difference in the way you live, your lifestyle, the people you meet, the things you do and such. It's pretty much consistent and in the 'safe' zone. I met this guy, Matt, who was our tour guide in Krabi. He has knowledge and experience as vast as you can imagine. Was a former Thai boxer, he met people from all around the world. One awesome guy I'd like to meet again.

The Gala Night taught me how diversity could bring people closer and not the presumed opposite. People from Philippines, China, Nepal, India, Finland, Sweden and Vietnam running that one ship. That's something there. Sometimes, we get too comfy in the same environment we overlook things. We assume and demand for our rights that we forget to be considerate and sensitive of other's needs. It's only human, ain't it. Think again. And also, extreme joy or sorrow brings the most kilos. Yeap. Oh well, as long as there's

..peace, love and understanding. :)

Getting to Zero

Ahoy! Happy Decemberrr. The best month of the year if you ask me cause it's when I get fat. :D

And yesterday was the World's AIDS Day. I think it's important to know and be aware about things around you although it doesn't directly affect you, yet. Before being a part of the HIV/AIDS project, I was as ignorant about it too. But if you know what it does to people, you would want to do something to curb the situation. Things are always there in front of, around us. Choose to care.

Ahead are some snaps  from the Setiawan-Sekinchan trip with grandma and mom the week before. I did learn a thing or two about paddy planting-harvesting thingy and saw what goes on behind the seafood export industry in Sekinchan. Massive stuffs.

Great week ahead, lovelies. 

*still excited for Mondays :P*

Plantlets of the paddy plant before transferring them to the soil.

It actually increases its survival rate.

Heap of gold!

Nah it's actually rice with clothes on. Or the conventional way of saying it, 'husks' on.

LOL.

The beautiful sights of the Setiawan temple.

What were they thinking. Lol.

 At Sekinchan village.

A sight you don't see every day.

 Malaysian oysters anyone?

'The Lucky Tree House'.

Some tv series were shot here.

♥♥♥

Restrain when you need to

Express when you need to

Everything in balance

You aim for

Anything Could Happen.

Howdy. Dang, feel so lost for words. To those who expressed their concerns, thanks a million. Really appreciate them. All is well, no worries. Relatives and friends in the home almost every day, it means a lot. And mum and dad had been telling the same 'story' over and over again. It really does feel like a dream. Like dreaming with side effects. Whatever that means.

Anyways, uni is starting in about two weeks' time. I miss those times where I'll be so excited shopping for a new pair of white school shoes, socks of the same colour tone, stationeries like erasers, ruler and those classic Luna colour pencils although the existing ones were still usable. In the end, I have the whole box of every residuals combined together, making art pieces at home out of school period like I'm Picasso or some random great artist. I didn't attend tuition classes until I was eight. And I used to walk to that fella's house just nearby. After a while, something happened and I joined Delta.

I have to say, although I was from an all-girls school, the sight of boys weren't at all alien to me. I'm just dead scared to talk to them. The first friend I had in tuition was Lily Hong, and gosh, she and Chee Seng were the tightest enemies. Haha. The things they call each other could make me smile for hours. Like what, Lian Chee Kang? LMAO. Twas definitely a better place compared to the home tuition. And then, UPSR year. More friends from the same school joined the same class, more companies for me. We always hogged the second front row, it was the MGSians' row. Sometimes, we had to combine classes and that's when concentration becomes difficult. The other class had more lively, crazy and outgoing people. I love when it's Math. Gosh, I swear I thought I almost died of heart attack so many times. Awesome lady.

And the ring incident. Now that I thought of it, that was the first time someone ever gave me a ring. No, I asked for it. HAHA. I was just fascinated okay. He had a ring on every single finger of his and there's even spares in his pocket. While waiting to use the loo, I thought why not, it won't harm anyway. Surprisingly, he held out both his hands and asked me to choose. I was so so so happy that night, not because of the ring, but because someone so tough and cold actually treated me so nicely. Sadly, the ring didn't survive long. I got into the waiting room, showed the ring to a friend, he took it from me and dented it flat with the leg of the table. Till today, I never knew the reason. But I thought perhaps they're just school 'rivals'. Oh boy, what memories.

From then on, I was always a kid. Been a kid till sixteen. Still a kid at seventeen. Eighteen, perhaps a lil' less. And now going on nineteen, hopefully I become more of an adult. I honestly don't know exactly what do people mean when they say they're an adult now, no more a kid. Do they mean they're no more sponsored by their parents? Or they've been through a lot in life? Their thinking changed? They reached 21? Whatever it may be, for me, it is the sense and act of responsibility that makes a person adult. I need to work more on the action part. I'm still very dependent on my parents. I have to admit, I like being their kid. :).

Lost for words konon. Forgive me for the clumsiness in my words, before, now and in the future. Sometimes, things just don't turn out as you imagined. May the best falls upon every beautiful hearts. Buenas noches, amigos.

I'm pretty sure this is me now. :P

CM ♥

After the war,

We said we'd fight together.

I guess we thought,

That's just what humans do.

Anything Could Happen - Ellie Goulding

Mi corazon

Haywire. 'Napped' at 4.30pm and woke up at 11pm. And now I can't go back to sleep. The past few days, everyone's working extremely hard for good grades and whatever other reasons that forced us to bury our heads in books. In the process, you could hear the sound of some wanting to give up so badly, some crying silently inside, struggling within themselves but still tried to portray a calm, comforting smile to others. We are all in this together yet we are fighting individual battles of our own. It's hard to see and know something but not being able to do anything to make it better.

I choose to ignore, always. I choose to let people be disappointed, but hope that they'll get back up stronger and find a better person in their lives. There are times I feel like getting so wasted, just so I can use it as an innocent excuse to do something I've been suppressing for so long. It may not worth a thing but not everything needs a reason to do, does it. We all know that feeling where you need that little push to start the move. Sadly, we don't get it often cause people don't read minds. 

Two more weeks and we'll take a long break. May it be a great one. I pray that everyone continues persevering and not give up. Think of this as your last chance to redeem yourself and do your best. There's no point crying and shaking and regretting. There's just not much time left. Yosh!

Am I crazy or am I blind

Someone told me that I'm out of my mind

Light up, light up

There's a graduate in the house :). We had a celebration last Sunday to celebrate his graduation and birthday. Twas great. We had too much food though. 

My turn is still a long long way to go. Just thinking, what if the day I graduate my heart tells me that this isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life. It's crazy. But, I'm actually prepared for that if it really happens. This is what happens when you don't know exactly what you're passionate about. It's okay though cause I'll always try to give my best in all I do and I believe it will do good. 

Certain things look cold on the outside, but when you start to see what's inside you can actually feel the warmth it possesses. Gradually, you get comfortable and sink deeper into it because you like that weird feeling without realising it. For some, it becomes an obsession. One day without it, you'll go haywire. That's when you know it's bad for you and you need to get rid of it. However, the bad news is it's never easy to shove aside something you really like and are dependent on for so long. I miss my pillow and bolster so much. Haha. 

I believe that everybody is gifted and talented in their own ways. You may not see it but others do. I realise things people don't for some reason. I can't give good advices but I can share my own experiences. I'm not very good at articulating my thoughts but I can put myself in your shoes and feel what you mean. I won't judge and I won't be like what most people would. But I'm not god, I can't always be there for you. For all you know, I might be the wrong one. 

I'm thankful for the promise he made me make. Buenas noches, amigos. :).

Always loving the sky.

Patatas

Something's not right and really weird with moi today. My fingernails are the colour of M&M's. Seriously, and it's darn distracting during quiz today according to Calista. Haha. And an Iranian friend called me Canny the Cute :/. And I was sitting under the umbrella thingy and a hot girl sat beside me and a friend asked if she's my friend. In the bus, someone said hi to me like I'm her close friend for years. So nice :). 

So yes, today was weird but I think I like it. Where you just go with the flow, shed down all paranoia and ego and do whatever your heart tells you to. The feeling you get after that is priceless, trust me.  Not everything has to go as planned or with deep mind-crushing thoughts. It's more exciting like that and it gives more contentment. And most importantly, it's honest and sincere from your heart. I love you God =). 

I can't wait for this weekend! :D

The only korean dude I find attractive. He's a dude for god's sake. HAHA.

Farah! She's a star now ;)

No wonder she asked for the picture the other day. Hmm. 

May you blossom to the fullest in spring

And I'll still see you on winter nights

So much for so much

Plans got cancelled because of the rain. Crazy weather. Instead, I had a good time toying with her in the car while stucked in the lovely jam. It's time to get serious soon. Not excited but well, life goes on whichever way. Have a good Halloween and Monday. Lol :).

After the rain comes the beautiful day

So keep your hopes grasped tightly

For there will always be a good one

Mylo Xyloto

What a weekend. Drank so much liquid and kept rushing to the toilet every 15 minutes. Nope, no drug involved. Today's the 24th, memorable day.. Five months :). I went around the house taking snaps of nature and get some fresh air at the same time. I'm bored staying at home for four days already, I need to go somewhere badly. But everyone's busy with college and exams. And it's raining every single day. Cold. Deepavali's on the way, I want muruku, I want mutton curry, I want indian. :D 

Can you see Baby Hopper? 

This photo tells something but I don't know what.

The many-faces me.

Hearts.

Thinking of sky.

Put your arm around my shoulder

And it was as if the room got colder

And we moved closer in together

And started talking about the weather

Lily Allen - Who'd Have Known