If our hearts are never broken
then there's no joy in the mending
There's so much this heart can teach us both
Though there's distance and there's silence
Your words have never left me
You're the prayer that I say every day
New York - Snow Patrol
14 April 2012
10 April 2012
24
It's so late, I'm so sleepy, kinda hungry too. But I don't want to sleep yet. Yesterday, I had less than three hours of sleep. Seriously felt like zombie and my head went haywire. I hear things differently, I can't walk properly and I think of so many weird stuffs. It's been a while since I last stayed up late chatting. And we ended up crying and laughing all at the same time last night. I don't know why, something just hit me and I realised that some things have not changed. I don't know if I should be glad or whatever because I'm not the type who likes changes but certain things, it may become harmful if it stays the same for a long time. Like today, I found a heavily-moulded sandwich in the locker I could puke just imagining it in my mind right now.
I never was a deep-thinking person. I never was a bright student. I never was a nice person. I am by far the most average girl people will never notice even if it's just twenty heads in the crowd. I grew up with three brothers, got bullied every single day till my tear glands got numb, learned martial arts in a boy's school, grew up watching only cartoons, went late to kindergarten once because mom had to remove the red permanent marker ink I used to 'polish' my nails, got chewing gum stuck in my hair and kept quiet about it, sneaked into the principal's office to use her toilet cause the school's one stinks, vomited out roti canai while sparing in taekwondo, haha that was funny, accidentally kicked a guy in his groin and did not feel bad, saw flashers three times in my life, did not shower for five days straight in a camp in Langkawi, stole a bracelet charm from a shop before, told tonnes of lies, slapped my friend in primary school, called people horrible names, killed too many lives, caused disappointment to my parents, embarrassed myself and my family and a whole lot more.
We all have our pasts. We are always judged based on them because it's the only thing certain about a person. You can make a thousand promises or say the sweetest stanza but it doesn't make a difference unless you prove it true. But one thing I hope, that I'm still a good listener.
Cutting kidneys tomorrow! *excited* :)
I never was a deep-thinking person. I never was a bright student. I never was a nice person. I am by far the most average girl people will never notice even if it's just twenty heads in the crowd. I grew up with three brothers, got bullied every single day till my tear glands got numb, learned martial arts in a boy's school, grew up watching only cartoons, went late to kindergarten once because mom had to remove the red permanent marker ink I used to 'polish' my nails, got chewing gum stuck in my hair and kept quiet about it, sneaked into the principal's office to use her toilet cause the school's one stinks, vomited out roti canai while sparing in taekwondo, haha that was funny, accidentally kicked a guy in his groin and did not feel bad, saw flashers three times in my life, did not shower for five days straight in a camp in Langkawi, stole a bracelet charm from a shop before, told tonnes of lies, slapped my friend in primary school, called people horrible names, killed too many lives, caused disappointment to my parents, embarrassed myself and my family and a whole lot more.
We all have our pasts. We are always judged based on them because it's the only thing certain about a person. You can make a thousand promises or say the sweetest stanza but it doesn't make a difference unless you prove it true. But one thing I hope, that I'm still a good listener.
Cutting kidneys tomorrow! *excited* :)
07 April 2012
Small Bump
Ever listened to a song millions of time to find out what was the true message behind it? Well I did. At first, I thought twas about an 'imaginary' baby he never had. I thought wow, this dude is something to write about something so darn deep. And one day, being me, I overthink and I thought maybe it's more than that. Maybe it was about a miscarriage. So little detail was given at the end of the song, it must be something more. So yea, me addicted to the song very muchie :).
This past one week has been quite a ride downhill. New timetable. Monday, we had to urinate into the beaker and measure it for a few times for the urine output experiment. Twas weird cause people might be thinking "I know what you're gonna do inside there with those apparatus and you're disgusting." Haha anyways, we had fun. There were people complimenting each other, Not bad uh, you can pee a lot; You got big bladder!; You pee so much uh, wah. So hilarious.
Tuesday, we made soap. Seriously almost fell asleep while stirring. Most boring experiment ever. And instead of powder soap, Kam and I got jelly soap. Haha. The funniest part was when the new demonstrator just finished explaining, Kam and I turned to each other and asked, "So, do what now?". Wednesday, we shot the advertisement for our charcoal toothpaste. Can't wait to see the outcome :D. Thursday, slept over at Farah's house. All of us cooked dinner together and watched A Crazy Little Thing Called Love. So awesomeee. The guy in it is so cute and it was one of the sweetest love story I've ever seen. Yesterday, class ended at 9am for us. Had a lovely time talking over Baskin Robbins and walking around pyramid.
In two more months, we'll all separate and go in different directions and be somebody great. Everybody has a part of their lives that they don't want to talk about. Not that they intentionally hide it but it was just not something they themselves are proud of. And like it or not, we're all judgemental. Lots of thinking the past few days, made decisions I'm unsure about but one thing for sure, I wish to change further in some ways. It's something I hope will happen some time ago but never had the courage to.
This past one week has been quite a ride downhill. New timetable. Monday, we had to urinate into the beaker and measure it for a few times for the urine output experiment. Twas weird cause people might be thinking "I know what you're gonna do inside there with those apparatus and you're disgusting." Haha anyways, we had fun. There were people complimenting each other, Not bad uh, you can pee a lot; You got big bladder!; You pee so much uh, wah. So hilarious.
Tuesday, we made soap. Seriously almost fell asleep while stirring. Most boring experiment ever. And instead of powder soap, Kam and I got jelly soap. Haha. The funniest part was when the new demonstrator just finished explaining, Kam and I turned to each other and asked, "So, do what now?". Wednesday, we shot the advertisement for our charcoal toothpaste. Can't wait to see the outcome :D. Thursday, slept over at Farah's house. All of us cooked dinner together and watched A Crazy Little Thing Called Love. So awesomeee. The guy in it is so cute and it was one of the sweetest love story I've ever seen. Yesterday, class ended at 9am for us. Had a lovely time talking over Baskin Robbins and walking around pyramid.
In two more months, we'll all separate and go in different directions and be somebody great. Everybody has a part of their lives that they don't want to talk about. Not that they intentionally hide it but it was just not something they themselves are proud of. And like it or not, we're all judgemental. Lots of thinking the past few days, made decisions I'm unsure about but one thing for sure, I wish to change further in some ways. It's something I hope will happen some time ago but never had the courage to.
Moo cha chas. :)
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