Cheesy

Remember the time you were worried about how you would look on prom night. Fear of being called on stage by your best buds to put you on the spot and be embarrassed in front of the girl you have had a liking for throughout the entire year. A mixture of fear and excitement filled your body and soul nights or even weeks before the big day. You kept playing in your mind how the night would turn out to be, how you would greet her by the staircase, how you would smile without looking too over the moon, what to say if you bump into her at the hallway or whether you should put your hands in your pockets or hold them in front. Thoughts, they run like wildfire in your little fragile head.

Years have gone by. Changes are evident. You have lesser hair, shinier forehead and seemingly smaller body frame than you used to. What could have stayed the same? Our first exchange of words felt like a fresh breath of air I have never encountered nor expected. I couldn't put my finger on whether I like it or not but one thing for sure, I wanted more of it. It sparked my curiosity and once again, I am on a valiant journey of comprehension and understanding.

Many people I have come across with couldn't comprehend why is it such a significant matter when I choose to know a person deeply. It is significant when it is mutual understanding, effort and intentions. A friend from afar helped me confirm this realisation; think about this, how often do you meet someone so attractive, who gets you on your feet to strike up a conversation with them. For me, hardly. Call me picky, ignorant or selective in admitting people into my social circle but I'm a tad more sensitive and an overthinker whenever I'm showered with attention and treatments that surpass what I think I deserve. I guess it boils down to intention. Make it clear and life will be easier! :)

Side note. The long awaited getaway-cum-self reflection is finally near. I wish to make the most out of it, cherish every moment and live every differences. Whatever the result is on the tenth, I will embrace it and move on for the better.

Oh how do I thank every brilliant soul who have made my life so beautiful and lovely. God bless. Oh and happy August! ♥

Promise - Ben Howard

Moments Like This, It Comes and Goes

At times of anger, breathe
At times of grief, pray
At times of love, cherish
At times of fear, persist
At times of loss, tear
At times of hope, act on it

A Summer's Dance

How do I feel?

The simplest yet one of the most difficult questions to answer. Often times, our minds are just too bogged down with the latest news around the globe, the biggest hoo-haa in the university, Whatsapp messages flooding your mobile phone's screen constantly, emailed to be replied within 48 hours, assignment deadlines to meet, house errands to check off, important dates to remember, and the list could go on as long as we live in this 'connected' world.

It has been a good ten months that my priorities were consciously shoved away from myself and heavily concentrated on the duties and responsibilities that I uphold. Sometimes, it goes unexpectedly beyond my job descriptions. Then again, there was no clear cut job descriptions when I signed up to begin with. The best part of all, unleashing various sides of myself that I never knew existed. Perhaps deep down, I am this adventurous dare devil who knows no consequences, where "living in the moment" is my life principle. It goes without saying that giving will always be a significant part of me, whichever form of living I end up as. Not because I wish to avoid facing my own predicaments, but because I have experienced such bitterness that I wish no one would go through the same. But that would be senseless cause then they wouldn't be able to seek the clarity and understanding that I did.

Why do we run from pain?

I don't run, I just wait for it to reach me eventually. Hmm anyways, I think I have quite a high tolerance for physical pain. Emotionally, it was quite an experience itself. The thing about humans is that we run, we flee without knowing exactly what it is that we are fleeing from. We notice a dark figure passing at the corner of our eye and we conclude it to be a spirit and scare the shit out of ourselves. We see a cockroach and scream for our lives like it is about to swallow us whole. The truth is, we are not brought up in a societal system that teaches us nothing but the crudest, blackest, darkest and most obnoxious. We have a choice, to live wearing our own comfy pair of flats or bleed in stilettos just to fit in. Some may ask, why even bother covering your feet? Generalising here, I think those are the kind who think they are the author of everyone's lives or just blind hipsters wannabe. The thing is, we just got to let go a little sometimes.

What is next?

A new quest. New country. New people. New experience. New cultures. New ideologies. New excitement. New knowledge. New skills. Same me, just reinventing for the better. It would be a super amazing one. I do not know what's been planned for me or what opportunities I will jump on to tomorrow but I am sure that I would not regret these decisions I make. That I am learning to live alongside uncertainties.

This is the start of a summer's dance. :)