Cheesy

Remember the time you were worried about how you would look on prom night. Fear of being called on stage by your best buds to put you on the spot and be embarrassed in front of the girl you have had a liking for throughout the entire year. A mixture of fear and excitement filled your body and soul nights or even weeks before the big day. You kept playing in your mind how the night would turn out to be, how you would greet her by the staircase, how you would smile without looking too over the moon, what to say if you bump into her at the hallway or whether you should put your hands in your pockets or hold them in front. Thoughts, they run like wildfire in your little fragile head.

Years have gone by. Changes are evident. You have lesser hair, shinier forehead and seemingly smaller body frame than you used to. What could have stayed the same? Our first exchange of words felt like a fresh breath of air I have never encountered nor expected. I couldn't put my finger on whether I like it or not but one thing for sure, I wanted more of it. It sparked my curiosity and once again, I am on a valiant journey of comprehension and understanding.

Many people I have come across with couldn't comprehend why is it such a significant matter when I choose to know a person deeply. It is significant when it is mutual understanding, effort and intentions. A friend from afar helped me confirm this realisation; think about this, how often do you meet someone so attractive, who gets you on your feet to strike up a conversation with them. For me, hardly. Call me picky, ignorant or selective in admitting people into my social circle but I'm a tad more sensitive and an overthinker whenever I'm showered with attention and treatments that surpass what I think I deserve. I guess it boils down to intention. Make it clear and life will be easier! :)

Side note. The long awaited getaway-cum-self reflection is finally near. I wish to make the most out of it, cherish every moment and live every differences. Whatever the result is on the tenth, I will embrace it and move on for the better.

Oh how do I thank every brilliant soul who have made my life so beautiful and lovely. God bless. Oh and happy August! ♥

Promise - Ben Howard

Saturday Love

Love the sight, sound, feel (and smell?) of a lively bunch of overgrown kids having pure joyful moments. Teasing, pranking and making a fool of one another is a norm, more like a habit. No one is left out. Everybody gets to be at both ends of it. Sounds like fun eh? It is, always is. Yeah, you can say that it's not the same like it used to be. The ride in the car, the queue at the restaurant, the walk to the park, the position you stand in a photograph, the reason you smile, the food you enjoy together and whatnot. What is anyway. As long as those same familiar faces are still the ones that carve fond sweet memories in your heart. It's part of growing up; you take what you need and turn the rest into an admirable piece of art. A day well spent it was. May everyone be blessed and loved always especially you, my friend. Nights. :D

The first ever mother-daughter collaboration, colour-worded, illustrated novel from JD. :)

You and I know what love is. Love is you and me. :)

J'adore macarons!

Bonjour amis. Just gonna share some delicious snaps and I'm heading off to another dimension. So twas a beautiful Thursday. Went to Eng Ann to get some stuffs and headed back and got to work. Took me about six hours 'cause I was being really really cautious, didn't want to screw up (there's so much almond in it!). And my patience and prayers paid off well at the end with really cute, crunchy yet chewy babies. Satisfied and happy I was although my entire back and legs ached like mad due to all the hunching-overs in front of the oven. Twas magic, and me created it. :D.

And yesterday, had a good run while enjoying the beautiful shapes and patterns formed by the clouds. There's just something about the sky that makes me feel like everything else around me is taken away for a while and all I had to do is open my eyes wide and be amazed. I can't tell how but I've learnt quite a few things from it, nature. Sometimes, it pops up thoughts you don't expect. I don't know if it's normal or anything but I don't think it's at all crazy to have debates and small talks with yourself. But I always know that someone is listening. He's there and he loves me. 

And ouh, I had a dream of a baby yesterday. A really cute and smart one. I was cuddling him in my arms and he was like touching my face and playing with my ear? His super tiny fingers, they are so delicate and ticklish. Twas such a happy occasion and I almost tear up looking at his pure joy-filled smiles. I know it's different from the usual but I don't think it's weird.

I think it's crazy good. Nights. :).

The lil' one made those smilies. 

I thought the left one is scary-looking. Haha.

I never imagined you dead.

Went for the assessment yesterday. Twas kinda fun. Started off with some dances and then we had to sit in a circle. The situation was kinda tensed really because there were so many unfamiliar faces observing us. And we had to present about stuff that I honestly wouldn't give a crap about if not because of someone some time ago. There wasn't much crowd today, only got to meet a few fellows including a cheerleader. And then, the interview. I was the last to go which made me quite nervous and shivery as the temperature in the room started to decline. I went into the other room, saw their faces, didn't think much, only recognised them as males. They introduced themselves and when they asked me to do the same, I laughed a lil' too loudly and in a cynical way. Gosh what nervousness does to me. It was the exact same thing that happened during the degree interview. I clearly remembered laughing inappropriately throughout the whole 'chatting' session. In my mind, I was singing "Ooh you're so dead, LKY." But the right-hand-side dude kept yawning and I got a lil' distracted, fumbling at every word I had to say. The questions got weirder from one to another, from "Why pharmacy?" to "Sell this ashtray to me, but I don't smoke." Good experience indeed. Hope to receive good news these few days to come. *cross fingers*

Staying up late again. This is so unhealthy. Alrighty, photos of le bakes, mi amigos and ciao.

I find baking fascinating for some reasons.

One: Transformation.

 It amuses me how a little heat could do such magic tricks.

I ain't no baker, I'm a magician. ;)

Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.

i can hover.

It's amazing getting to know the lives of awesome people who go around the world doing what they love, meeting fans, eating exotic food, well basically just living life to the best they can. I don't mind living as Gary Lightbody :). 

me i mainly just try and get a laugh but then that has always been both my default setting and my problem.

Peace, love and understanding to all.

Broken Bottles Form A Star

I've been dreading to blog cause I know, once I'm at this page, my mind will go blank and my fingers will start dancing over these squarish, alphabet-labelled thingy with the intention of baring my heart and backfiring the initial plan made by Mr. Mind. It happens to others too I'm sure, but I don't know, I don't feel comfortable typing out every single thing that I'm going through here.

It's about a month now I'm enjoying my break and homework-free lifestyle. And I've got to say, having spent so much time alone at home, you really can't help it but to feel lonely and isolated. It's like you could even hear the pumping sound of your own breathing, the pounding of your blood when it hits the wall of your heart and veins and the voice of your mind speaking out every time it has an opinion. It really makes you think and more substantially, hear what YOU are saying.

I just realised I've been blogging for years, with the same link address. Back then, the purpose was simple; to let people whom you want them to 'stalk' you know what are your interests and personalities like. Slowly as I 'mature', I began to complain, crap, gossip, and emo my heart out here. So unhealthy. I thought of stopping. Then I thought, maybe there's still someone out there who is still following up on me. I don't know, maybe the future me? It's silly but a tinge of false hope won't hurt, will it. Certain things are meant to be the same for a long long time. There's no point trying to meddle with it. It is written with ink, can't be erased.

Perhaps years from now I'll look back and laugh at myself. I definitely will haha. Happy midweek =). 

Did some baking. And stacking. :)

My new hobby. 

5018

Well, someone's been practising her driving. I swear it's still scary as crap. Sweaty palms and a huge sigh of relief every time I get down of the four-wheeled beasty machine. But it's getting better now I guess. Definitely. It's all about practice, said the wise man. :). Getting honked at is nothing now, yea I'm that unstoppable out there.

Half a year had passed. Honestly, I wish I'm at somewhere, anywhere on a trip right now. Kinda really need and want one. Or a one-day shopping spree would do. Lunatically bored.

And I can't believe I stayed up for the match last night. Oh well, happy night.

O, Anna Sun!

The holiday is indeed getting weird with me spending my precious seconds doing well, weird things. Went to campus to read novels and then, visited a friend who's working at the mall, ate ice-cream, before that 'accidentally' slipped a super awesome puzzle at the McD counter into my bag, walked the entire mall to get back to the car and finished two seasons of TBBT in about a week's time.

I'm adapting to the lack of need for organisation, planning and time-conscience. It's kinda a mixed feeling thing. You feel all free-spirited at one moment but at times, it turns to frustration and nothing-ness. You just get lost really, aimless. And in Dreamland, it's insane, what I could dream of. Don't wanna remember any of those please.

Strange things happen but well, for a good reason you'll realise some day.

Don't you just love how certain things in life work. :) Chao amigos, good days.

Thank god I don't need to meet my friends today

One week passed so fast. Now we got to get back to the treadmill and keep up with everybody's pace so we don't be thrown further to the back. No more slacking. Easier said than done, always. This one week had been great though. Went out with friends on alternate days, watched two movies, finally read Sing You Home(amazing story), pampered myself with lots of guilty pleasures, stayed up late, skipped breakfast, became super lazy. :)

Went to Port Dickson today. The usual, we cleaned up the place, laid out all the offerings, prayed, chit-chatted while waiting, spent time at the regular beach we religiously visit every year and me, I just sat on the mat, snapping away while letting the soft sea breeze embrace my skin. I love it, the beach. For a while, all worries and stubborn thoughts just dropped off from your head, leaving you feeling so light like a feather.

I've always thought, I never had the chance to meet him. So, it's only natural to not miss him because I've never had the opportunity to get to know him. It's funny how you could miss someone you despise so much after years even though you really dislike him for everything he's done to you. But at least, there is that faint memory of that person in you rather than nothing at all. It's a shame but c'est la vie. I've learned the hard way to not hold on to the kite's line too tightly for it might snap sooner than you expect it to. But now, it's so hard to even start building a line.

Two more months, another chapter of my life will end. Everyone wants a happy ending, don't they. It may be fate or luck, but it's definitely lots of effort. I may not end up as someone I planned to be, but nevertheless, I will stay true to myself and be happy.

I don't know why I always sound emo in my posts but I'm actually kinda 'jumpy' inside?. Haha oh well. Reading my friends' blogs, I am really grateful to have them as part of my life. We're all incredibly different people by personality. I guess we complete each other like that :). Have a wonderful day every day.

And not forgetting, Happy April!

Love Letters

Just watched A Walk to Remember. It was BEAUTIFUL. I wanted to watch it like since dunno-when when everybody was talking about it in school. Kept tearing towards the end. I mean who wouldn't. Movies like this, must watch with guys. It's cool if they cry :).

Holiday. Holiday. Holiday. The aroma of freshly baked scones, the cow-dung-ish smell of freshly cut grass, the smooth sea breeze caressing across your delicate skin, the almost-annoying birds chirping away at 7am, the quiet mornings where you can hear yourself scream "Hello Sunshine!" as you get up from the bed, the happy feeling as you hop your way into the kitchen before washing up. This is how it feels and it's amazing. :D

So far, I washed the curtains and sofa covers as mum reminded before she left, I made marshmallow which didn't turn out right and chocolate-coated Marie biscuits, just so I can lick my heavily stained chocolate-coated fingers like a jolly girl. This year, I'm gonna do something big. Like really BIG.

I.

AM.

GONNA.

BAKE.

MY.

OWN.

BIRTHDAY.

CAKE!

Serious. I've chosen the recipe. I've got the ingredients. Only thing left is the guts to make it. LMAO. This is worse than taking my driving test, I swear. I hope it's good. Or else, it will be my brother's birthday cake then. Haha. Dinner at grand's place tonight. Moo-cha-chas. Good day. =)

Mylo Xyloto

What a weekend. Drank so much liquid and kept rushing to the toilet every 15 minutes. Nope, no drug involved. Today's the 24th, memorable day.. Five months :). I went around the house taking snaps of nature and get some fresh air at the same time. I'm bored staying at home for four days already, I need to go somewhere badly. But everyone's busy with college and exams. And it's raining every single day. Cold. Deepavali's on the way, I want muruku, I want mutton curry, I want indian. :D 

Can you see Baby Hopper? 

This photo tells something but I don't know what.

The many-faces me.

Hearts.

Thinking of sky.

Put your arm around my shoulder

And it was as if the room got colder

And we moved closer in together

And started talking about the weather

Lily Allen - Who'd Have Known

Happy September

The ninth month already :). August has been the most fattening month so far this year with the Hari Raya and holidays. Gonna go obese if this continues.

So Wednesday night, the most random thing happened. Out of nowhere, seriously from NOWHERE, dad suddenly said, 'Wanna go Malacca tomorrow?'. Haha all of us thought he was just being him, random and joking around. And badabing, yesterday all of us left home at 6am sharp. Destination, Malacca town. On Merdeka. =). Twas awesome. Ate a lot, as usual. What else can we do in a place like that really but eat and walk and take photos and buy things and eat somemore. The crowd was crazy and the jam on our way back was pretty bad.

Today, the little pigs got up early for 'Bak Kut Teh' with grandparents despite the tiredness the day before. It's always nice to go out with a group of family members like that. I don't know, I really like the feeling. After breakfast, went home, showered, got dressed and headed off to One U. HAHA. Can really go high shopping. Mum tried like so many dresses and ended up buying two instead of one from two different shops. She said one is for backup. And both bros also bought shirts from G2000. So weird, I'm like browsing through guy's clothes more lately.

Just now, went for dinner with grandma, uncle and aunt. Uncle Ivan brought back the cutest-looking bananas from his hometown, Bahau. Wonderful food for dinner. Then we hung around for a bit at grand's place. Grandma took out the old photos for us to see. Hmm...photos. Photos can really bring up lots of memories, don't you think so.

And now, here I am blogging from my phone before the first day of September ends. I just wanna say that, bad things happen, people argue even the sweetest couple, but, at the end of the day, what's more important is happiness and the future. He didn't have the chance to do so many things. Until the last toughest moments of his life, he struggled and fought, still holding on to the little bits of hope he had left in his faint breath.

Have a blissful September. Big things are happening this month. Come-togethers after so long. New beginnings. Birds whistling. Flowers blooming. Champagnes popping. You get what I mean. :) Adios.

Kids all day, kids all night

I am home. :). The first thing I did was ate my mum's cooking. After that, second bro and I played Scrabble. Lol. I have not touched that thing since primary school. I lost, as expected. Oh yea, yesterday's talk was about relationships(and more). Again, he made it so enjoyable yet comprehensive. And the content, not very appropriate to talk about here ;). Next was Note-Taking Skills workshop, our group won in the Mind Mapping Challenge and the reward was Kit Kat. 

Happy July amigos. =) 

Wake up call

Last Sunday was my last day of work. I shook everyone's hands before leaving. I'm happy I did that. At least, I had more courage in facing separations this time. Bidding adieu to Mr. Chong was the hardest. His sms after that was really moving, I didn't see it coming at all. I'll have to say, I'm gonna miss everyone there. This is just the beginning. I will meet more people and work with many different types of characters in the future. But perhaps, not as nice as these people.

Dad wasn't around on Father's Day but it's okay, he's back today. Grandma wasn't around too on that day so mom and I took grandpa out for breakfast together. Then at night, all of us had dinner. It was nice, seeing grandpa so joyful :)

So the news came to my ears yesterday night. I couldn't believe it at all. After seven good hours, I still couldn't consume the fact of it, that he's in the hospital. It's serious. I wasn't even thinking about it, but it's in me. Well, finally got sleepy and dozed off at 3am last night. Today was grandpa's death anniversary. We had prayers this morning, YM came over early to lend a hand. Hence, I get to sleep a lil' longer. Mom looked different today. At a point, she couldn't hold it in anymore and gave a call to Aunt Kat. That was when I realised that IT was real. It's really happening. Mom and dad are there visiting him now. Honestly, I don't have the courage to be there.

The whole of today I kept myself busy by cleaning up all my stuffs, started packing already and did this. 

Good day.