Anything Could Happen.

Howdy. Dang, feel so lost for words. To those who expressed their concerns, thanks a million. Really appreciate them. All is well, no worries. Relatives and friends in the home almost every day, it means a lot. And mum and dad had been telling the same 'story' over and over again. It really does feel like a dream. Like dreaming with side effects. Whatever that means.

Anyways, uni is starting in about two weeks' time. I miss those times where I'll be so excited shopping for a new pair of white school shoes, socks of the same colour tone, stationeries like erasers, ruler and those classic Luna colour pencils although the existing ones were still usable. In the end, I have the whole box of every residuals combined together, making art pieces at home out of school period like I'm Picasso or some random great artist. I didn't attend tuition classes until I was eight. And I used to walk to that fella's house just nearby. After a while, something happened and I joined Delta.

I have to say, although I was from an all-girls school, the sight of boys weren't at all alien to me. I'm just dead scared to talk to them. The first friend I had in tuition was Lily Hong, and gosh, she and Chee Seng were the tightest enemies. Haha. The things they call each other could make me smile for hours. Like what, Lian Chee Kang? LMAO. Twas definitely a better place compared to the home tuition. And then, UPSR year. More friends from the same school joined the same class, more companies for me. We always hogged the second front row, it was the MGSians' row. Sometimes, we had to combine classes and that's when concentration becomes difficult. The other class had more lively, crazy and outgoing people. I love when it's Math. Gosh, I swear I thought I almost died of heart attack so many times. Awesome lady.

And the ring incident. Now that I thought of it, that was the first time someone ever gave me a ring. No, I asked for it. HAHA. I was just fascinated okay. He had a ring on every single finger of his and there's even spares in his pocket. While waiting to use the loo, I thought why not, it won't harm anyway. Surprisingly, he held out both his hands and asked me to choose. I was so so so happy that night, not because of the ring, but because someone so tough and cold actually treated me so nicely. Sadly, the ring didn't survive long. I got into the waiting room, showed the ring to a friend, he took it from me and dented it flat with the leg of the table. Till today, I never knew the reason. But I thought perhaps they're just school 'rivals'. Oh boy, what memories.

From then on, I was always a kid. Been a kid till sixteen. Still a kid at seventeen. Eighteen, perhaps a lil' less. And now going on nineteen, hopefully I become more of an adult. I honestly don't know exactly what do people mean when they say they're an adult now, no more a kid. Do they mean they're no more sponsored by their parents? Or they've been through a lot in life? Their thinking changed? They reached 21? Whatever it may be, for me, it is the sense and act of responsibility that makes a person adult. I need to work more on the action part. I'm still very dependent on my parents. I have to admit, I like being their kid. :).

Lost for words konon. Forgive me for the clumsiness in my words, before, now and in the future. Sometimes, things just don't turn out as you imagined. May the best falls upon every beautiful hearts. Buenas noches, amigos.

I'm pretty sure this is me now. :P

CM ♥

After the war,

We said we'd fight together.

I guess we thought,

That's just what humans do.

Anything Could Happen - Ellie Goulding

An Unforgettable Nightmare.

Hello, amigos. First of all, I just wanna say that I am so very grateful to God that I am still breathing and all well right now. And even more thankful that my family is too. I still remember that I said to embrace this month with smiles and happy handshakes. That has not changed one bit. I just feel really really blessed and grateful that I still have my deeply loved ones with me. I thank Him for everything, for sparing our lives. No, more than that. He gave us all another chance to live.

I kept thinking and thinking, and I don't know if I should let it out here. Honestly, I still don't know. 'Cause really, it's traumatising and still creeps me to the bone every time I think about it. But, somehow I feel it's important that my friends know and realise the importance of what they have right now. I think I'm gonna just give a really brief account of the incident.

So it was a Saturday night, we were on our way home from Jusco Bukit Raja around midnight. After leaving the roundabout, cutting into the left lane, then wanting to cut into the right. Dad signalled for quite some time already, double checking the rear-view mirror before cutting out. And all of the sudden, a car sped like a mad bull from behind and hit our Myvi. Our car lost control and skidded to the left, made a few spins and flips before landing super hard on its roof, the car facing in the opposite direction.

Thank god, thank god I made it out the car and dad and mom too. But I heard mom shouting the lil' one's name as he was nowhere to be found. And when I turned, he was on the other side of the road. Thank god no car went over him or any shitass crap like that. He was bleeding so much on his head. Mom kept pressing his head and I kept shouting his name to bring him to consciousness. Luckily a really kind hearted Indian couple on the other side of the traffic offered to give us a lift to the hospital. And another group of Chinese youngsters too. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

The disappointment and frustration struck when we reached Hospital A and the nurses asked us to go away as they don't have any brain specialist. I was like, come on la.. They even stopped dad who was carrying lil' one at the ER entrance and said, 'Tengok dulu, tengok dulu..' with one hand on the hip like we're talking about selling fish or chicken. Seriously heartless piece of cold meat. But dad kept asking them to help stop the bleeding first because lil' one was losing so much blood he was shivering like a fierce fish out of water. Fortunately, the same super nice souls actually waited and were more than willing to rush us to another hospital as Hospital A doesn't provide ambulance service.

From there, it was a long long night. ICU for one day. Thankfully, everything's all right now. He's recovering fast. Mom's eye is healing too. Our body aches are subsiding pretty swiftly with the usage of the counterpain like body lotion. Really, if we're not lucky, I don't know what luck is. And very heavily blessed too. I remembered I was completely conscious during the 'Flying Coaster ride', all I thought was 'Die lah.' and before the landing, 'God, please save us all. I beg you please.' The car's condition.. It's hopeless. A nurse who saw the car said that most probably the occupants were no go.

I couldn't thank enough to those who have helped directly and indirectly. May you be blessed in abundance in so many ways. I guess that's all I can say for now. Appreciate what you have and every moment spent. And, be safe on the road. Good day, dear amigos.

We Should Be Swimming

Habits. The funny thing about habits is that you won't know if it's bad or not, or if it's even going to be a habit when you first delve into it. Until one day when you've decided to quit that you realise it has become a huge part of you. Doing it gives you the comfort and pleasant feeling that only you can understand. It's never easy to quit but to start, it's a whole different story. Everyone has their lonely, empty moments. Nevertheless, it's not the end of you. Good things only come to those who wait and persevere, aight.

I can't believe this.

YOU!

I am cold, cocky, unfriendly and everything you wouldn't want in a friend when you first see me in standard three. I don't easily trust people hence, I only mix with the same gang of friends whom I've known for years and comfortable with. I can forgive people but it's hard for me to forget the hurtful stuffs that they do to me. I am actually quite a sensitive person. Sometimes, I take criticism very personally and that is only because it is from someone I've known for so long and more importantly, trust. Yes, I'm very loyal in friendships. Don't you dare hurt my friends because I will get you if you do and I will make sure you regret it for the rest of your life. I am always the peacemaker and that's because I hate seeing my friends break apart. What else, I swear. I practically swear the moment I wake up, shower, have my breakfast, go to school, etc. but that's just in my heart. Only when I get really annoyed that I let it slip out of my mouth. And I have a brother, oh don't get me started about him. He can be the silliest person on earth who does everything I ask but he is also the nicest brother I could ever wished for. And of course, I'm the nicest, awesomest sister that sometimes I think he might not even deserve.

When you start to know me, you might see me as a cheerful, optimistic girl who's really strong and unbreakable inside. But guess what, I am so fragile the slightest thing can make me lose all hope in the world. I appear happy most of the time because I don't want people to know my weaknesses and step on me. I can also be 'quite' bossy and overly in-charged over things at times in the sense I want things my way and only my way. As most of my friends already knew, I will own a mansion next time and the first thing that I will do is assign my out-of-jail-mum as my Head of Maids and her six twins under her. I have big ambitions, big dreams but all that would be meaningless without my dear friends to share it with me. If I die, I'll die a monkey king/president/prime minister/king/Rajah, not just some worthless door-step son who's unlucky enough to be picked up by a nun who has never breastfed me or any of my siblings.


Despite all the flaws, my friends think I'm awesome and one of them easily agreed to type up a blog post specially for me to tell the world how awesome I am. How awesome am I right? No word can ever describe my awesomeness. I am beyond awesome. Seriously, I'm not being proud but awesome is too 'low' for me. I suit words like "Mahagundeawesomegilababibetulbetulawesome". Okay, the point is, I AM AWESOME. :D

This blog post is (obviously) about Rachel Saw a.k.a. Rajah. *POOI*
Thousands of apologies for any inaccuracy and offensive remark. Patik hanyalah hamba yang menurut perintah tuanku yang kurang munasabah. Hee. Tata.

Explosions

Happy Deepavali. Diwali vathukal. Happy Lights Day. Today was great. I had three rounds of mutton, muruku, idli, putu mayam and lots of yummy yummy cookies. This is one of the reason why I love being a Malaysian. It's amazing how people from all sorts of backgrounds and have entirely different stories themselves could come together and have a good meal under one roof. We visited one of dad's close friend in Puchong, like every other years. Come to think of it, it has been more than ten years I've been going there for Deepavali. Aunty Indra cooks the best mutton rendang in the world, seriously. The BEST. They are not wealthy people, they're just as ordinary as you and I are but, I think they are one of the most successful people I've ever come across with. Their pictures came out in the Star a couple of days ago and many other newspapers before and even Astro. It is their hardwork and perseverance that makes people look up to them. Sometimes, it is the disability that makes people so strong and courageous in chasing after their dreams. If only we don't need to lose something to gain something. 

Homework. The most dreadful word right now for me. And group work, there's nothing more to say. Bad timing is just it. Everyone's holidaying and seriously just lost the mood entirely. Scary. I'm like freaking out already cause holiday's passing by so soon and I don't wanna have to pack to go back there :(. Yesterday, I slept at 3am, doing irrelevant things; thinking of stuffs, smiling to myself, download loads of random songs. This is how I always waste precious time away so easily. Just now was funny, I had like three group discussions going on on Fb simultaneously and suddenly, on the water rocket side, Lina said, out of frustration, "Why must health science students make water rockets?" and Kam answered, "Cause one day we'll have to shift to outerspace when the earth is doomed and they need pharmacist there too." LMAO. Alright, sweet dreams amigos. Chao.

Fuzzy, just like my mind.

Revelry - Kings of Leon

See You Soon

I'm addicted to their songs. Well, my soul is for sure. I watch Grey's Anatomy and One Tree Hill because of the background songs they play. It suits the mood so well in a weather like this. Everything is just perfect, just lack of a cup of hot-brewed caffeine to keep the eyes wide apart so to enjoy the night a lil' longer. Mmm maybe not tonight, the headache since this afternoon is overpowering me I swear I could fall unconscious anytime while sitting down. This week, I wasn't entirely conscious of what I was doing. Perhaps the assessment, projects and assignments thrown onto us for this week and the coming holiday season had taken up most of my brain's capacity. Our English group got reshuffled again and for every subject, I'm with different groups of people, it's so confusing at times. And it's troublesome, very. Everybody's going back to their hometowns in every single directions, now we're supposed to have discussions over Facebook, which is like so impossible cause we get distracted so easily and really, how is work going to be done with only your fingers moving.

For Physics, we have to make a water rocket each and after the holiday, we'll meet up, test and choose the best rocket to be used on the launch day. Math assignment and project which is more like an exercise on how to use the Microsoft Excel, Chem assignment: gotta make a video on Invisible Ink and lots of other homework. This course is like this, we've got used to it and really, we're all really pushing ourselves like never before. Tomorrow, my class is the only class who doesn't have class cause we requested for our classes to be brought forward. Hallelujah, we get to enjoy the comfort of home sweet home one day earlier. It's nice to be home, it's your real home after all. Somehow, I think, people will still go back from where they come from no matter how far and how long they've been away. Similarly, you will always go back to the people you feel most at home with despite how distant you are physically and how many acquaintances you've met along the journey.

Today is the 100th day since he'd passed on. Every now and then I will try to remind myself all over again about stuffs. And really, it's necessary as we always tend to forget things and underestimate well, life itself. I learn to accept bitter truths, I learn to step over unpleasant thoughts without making judgemental conclusions, I learn to not take too personally the problems I hear cause sometimes I get really emotional about other people's problem, I learn to accept huge differences in others and most importantly, I learn to distinguish people who loves me. Just the other day, my friend and I, we weren't that close and we actually talked for almost three hours. I'm a natural listener, well, it's the least I could do.

Now it's turning blue

I'm gotta be more cautious with some guys in school lol. One said hello to me all of the sudden out of nowhere today, another kept wanting to take my photo in class and one more, said I'm a nice girl like so many times. That is really weird. Today was okay, just sleepy cause I stayed up late yesterday, searching for a photo I really really liked, and still like :). Sometimes, certain things never really change, regardless of how much time had passed.

"Sometimes I think the human heart is just a simple shelf. There's only so much you can pile onto it before something falls off the edge and you are left to pick up the pieces."

-Emma-

Hearing Voices

The past one week, a lot had happened. Tears, shove offs, harsh text messages, apologises. All that had above all the pain, brought us closer together with deeper understanding of each other. I shouldn't have done that to her. Wanting to isolate myself. What was I thinking. But, this is the beauty of family. No matter how rotten up you are, they will take you in with the warmest hug, anytime. Because it is true, unconditional love. Her apologising, was the most unexpected and significant thing that she had ever done, which makes me respect her even more at a whole new sky-high level.

I learn not to keep things inside myself. If you have some things to sort out, do it right away. If the person on the other end really matters to you, all the more reason for you to do it. It's stupid to assume and just wait for miracles to happen. You want something, you go get it. No one's gonna do it for you, unless you lack an arm and a leg and what you wish for is only a piece of cheeseburger. Dream on, and your dreams will come crashing down on you when you realise that thing you're hoping for is gone, for-e-ver. I'm doing just this, bit by bit. I know I might not have it but at least, I tried, even though I might screw up for the hundredth time. The only thing that's holding me back is the fear that I would lose it even more. That's old fashion thinking. I seriously do not want to wake up in the middle of the night, thinking furiously about it anymore. Really. 

She told me, always be happy and do not let anyone take that away from you. What's most important is you're satisfied. Don't bother about what other people think about you. You know the truth. That is all that matters. 

Muffins, cupcakes, whatever you call it, I made for the ETP. 

Six hours of sweat, blood and smiles(seriously, there's blood).

Smile till the end :)

"I know what love is. When you find the person you are supposed to love, bells ring and fireworks go off in your head and you can't find words to speak and you think about her all the time. When you find the person you are supposed to love, you will know by staring deeply into her eyes."

-Jacob-

House Rules, Jodi Picoult